Tennessee-Alabama post game awards

Warning: chronically behind blogger now utterly, hopelessly behind. So behind that I could just turn around and be caught up, which is exactly what I'm going to do. Here's to mashing the Google Reader nuke button and coming to terms with the fact that there will be a 3000+ RSS-shaped black hole in my memory banks.

It's done. Let's go.

Best day at the spa. Punter for Alabama. Don't know his name. Don't care. Only twice did he tear himself away from the algotherapy and herbal tea cocoons to actually punt the ball. Woo for him.

Most-chafed back pockets. Every single official risked dangerous levels of friction from the constant removal of the yellow flag from his back pocket. Eleven penalties for 81 yards on the Vols. Can anyone say "Law of Averages?"

Worst pair of injuries. Lucas Taylor's toe (turf toe) and Josh Briscoe's brain (concussion). That left Austin Rogers, who did fine, Gerald Jones who caught a couple of balls, and Denarius Moore, who is a receiver.

Best impersonation of Lucas Taylor. Alabama's D.J. Hall, who caught 13 balls for 185 yards. As jbragg said in the open game thread, "Hi, this is for Phil and John, long time listener...first time caller... HOW IN THE WORLD DOES EVERYONE IN YOUR SECONDARY NOT KNOW WHERE DJ HALL IS???!!"

Best impersonation of Wilson. No, not Hanks' soccer ball buddy, but Toolman's mysterious neighbor. The defensive pass rush spent the entire game proving that good fences make good neighbors.

Stat of the week. That would be the cumulative Tennessee score against its two biggest rivals this year. Words fail. Numbers get closer, but not quite there: 100-37.

Final push over the edge of the precipice. Tennessee lost. South Carolina lost, too. Florida beat Kentucky and suddenly they're back in control in the SEC East. I'm jumping.

Most mind-boggling absence. Running back Montario Hardesty didn't get a single touch despite carrying the ball 16 times for 81 yards the week before. Coaches' post-game rationale: "We were in open sets and three-wide sets. [Hardesty's] not a great pass receiver, or at least we’ve got better guys at that, and didn’t get him in the game. We should have. He’s a good player." Uh, yeah. And the passing game wasn't working without him, either. Personally deliver the thing and make him sign for it if you have to, but get him the ball.

Worst best news. The telecast began with the news that Alabama had suspended five players. Woo. Advantage, Tennessee, right? Uh, no. We never learn.

Best nickname. John Adams, who dubbed UT's defense "Career Day," as in what offensive players on opposing teams have when they play against Tennessee's defense.

Best quote. Jimmy Hyams: "The defense may work like heck in practice, but they’re playing like hell."

Worst insult to injury. That would be this.

Boy, that was ugly. I'm sure y'all have some more. Leave them below.