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Behind Enemy Lines

More things I hear at work at the Cubicle Farm here in Alabama, and the scathing things I think when I hear them.

1. The "Bama Band Dweeb Alum" Guy said, "Alabama's history of consistent success has always been due to leadership.  That's what the Tide have over every other program in the country.  Leadership." [Voice in my Head] Consistent..... Leadership..... Alabama....Dubose, Franchione, Price, Shula....The only consistent thing about Bama Leadership in the past twenty years is that you run through coaches like you-know-what (that would be crap) through a goose.  I'm apoplectic "happy" for your success this season.  It drives me bat crap crazy is good for the SEC.  It makes me want to vomit in your desk rubbish bin proud to be a fan of the conference.  Saban's success tells me that you can do anything with four mill a year, a complimentery car, a complimentary country club membership, and all the free red clothes you can stomach integrity and a processes.

2. The "Will-Muschamp-is-still-here-Auburn" Guy said, "Time to play another wuss from Tennessee." [Voice in my Head] Count to Ten.  Breathe.  Relax, only 7 hours and 28 minutes of work left.  And then he'll be gone.  With his personalized Auburn license plate (on his super sweet Honda Element).  Yeah, don't let the guy who has a Honda Element get to you.  He drives a car that looks like a forbidden love child between a geriatric Hummer and a plastic shoebox.  Don't let him get to you.  You can go home in 7 hours and 27 minutes and 30 seconds.  And when Vandy beats Auburn this weekend, you can smile and think "Heh, Auburn lost and you still drive the ugliest car in history.....ok, well second most ugly car....this is the ugliest car in history.

Star-divide

3. On the drive to work I saw this Mercedes with a personalized plate that reinforced the idea that A. He was a Bama super fan and B. He drove a Mercedes. (I won't put the exact plate because I think it could get me into trouble.  But that won't prevent me from sharing the thoughts I had!) [Voice in my Head] Wow, guy.  Thanks for making sure I understood that you were a Bama fan (the 7 window stickers apparently weren't enough).  Also, thanks for ensuring that I knew you drove a Mercedes.  Sometimes I read those letters and I think "Apple Pie."  Or I see the three pointed emblem and I think, "Wow, he drives a double cheeseburger!"  Now I know, though, that somewhere out there, someone paid $100,000+ for an S550, 70 bucks for a personal plate, and 50 cents for 7 window stickers that ruin the entire car.  Great Job!  By the way, all this was said without a modicum of jealousy over your ridicously nice car or the recent success of your team.  Seriously.  Pardon me while I cry/vomit now.

4. The "I am from New Hampshire, but I wear crimson every Friday because I married a Bama Fan who loves UA(T) more than Me" Lady said to me, "Does Tennessee have a match this weekend?"  [Voice in my Head] Really? I got nothing.  You know you can talk to me about something else if you need to.  Because what happens when I say, "Yes, they are 'matching' NIU."  You'll nod not knowing what to say next because you'll wonder if I said N-I-U or if I started speaking Inuit and said "Ennayeyoo."  And then you'll wonder if it would be stupid to ask me, "Where is that?" because everytime you ask your Bammer husband a question about football he looks at you like you have a foreign object sticking out of your nose.  But if you did ask me where N-I-U was I would tell you without mocking you because honestly, I don't know anything about NIU myself.  But instead you are going to say in Five, Four, Three, Two One, ---"New Hampshire Lady With Bammer Husband" said, "Oooh, I hear they are tough!"---and now I'll look at you like you have a foreign object sticking out of your nose, you'll recognize the look from home, awkwardly leave my cubicle and the conversation at that, and now I'll smell my pits wondering if I stink.  Awesome.

5. The "Actually Reasonable Auburn Fan Who Follows College Football" Guy said to me, "Did she just say she heard NIU was tough?"  (I Nod) "By the way, I'm scared to death of Vandy right now." [Voice in my Head]  THANK YOU.  Still the only guy in the office I can talk to.  Please talk to me for at least five minutes so I can be sure that my pits don't reek.....

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Hey, don't underestimate pit reek.

It’s a great way to get the peace and quiet you may need over the next few weeks.

by Hooper on Oct 2, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Funny

How when your team sucks complete ass you revert to “pointing out everyone elses flaws”. Pull the plank out of your own eye before you point out the speck of dust in mine.

Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out alive.

by bammer on Oct 2, 2008 12:23 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Voice Over] Are you a pirate? Do people have planks in their eyes where you come from? WAIT A MINUTE….IS THAT YOU BAMA BAND DWEEB ALUM? Is that you in the next cubicle? HOLY CRAP!! You found me on the internet!!

But to quote somebody who once criticized me for pointing out everyone else’s flaws, "Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive."

Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.

by MeytonPanning on Oct 2, 2008 12:47 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Welcome to RTT

I think you’ll find us a rather congenial crowd who happens to love a good football game. I think you’ll also find that college football goes in cycles. Alabama is enjoying a great start to the year and appears to have some staying power behind it. Likewise, UT might be running out of staying power and be in for a transition – much like Alabama has gone through for about 15 years. The shame of it all is that these two teams have rarely seen their peaks converge.

It’d be really nice if both teams could peak at the same time so the 3rd Sat. could have the same meaning it used to long before I was born. Here’s hoping Alabama stays strong long enough for UT to return to prominence so we can have a relevant series again.

by Hooper on Oct 2, 2008 12:52 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Only when we are winning Bama lady fan

continues to tell me Roo Tide everyday and has stepped into my cubicle three times this year to make sure I am ok. Go VOLS!

by VOLnAla on Oct 2, 2008 12:46 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I get it that its annoying

But my god. UT fans were just as bad when UT was winning. Lets just remember that!

Don't take life to seriously, you'll never get out alive.

by bammer on Oct 2, 2008 12:51 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I'll step outside myself for a minute to catch you up on me.

I’m a Wyoming native and alum who is at UT for grad school. I developed a taste for UT football during the Manning years, but Manning was not the reason I started following UT. I followed because the UT fans were a terrific group of people. They were just as loud and proud during those days as Alabama fans are starting to become, but there was never any projection of arrogance across the national media – that’s a very rare thing. (Trust me; as a guy who followed a mid-major for a lifetime, arrogance in major programs is as natural as cream cheese on a bagel.)

I also fully understand that things often get projected differently than reality, but nat’l TV has always enjoyed characterizing Alabama fans as utterly insane. If that’s the way Alabama fans wish to approach it, more power to you. I understand that college football is huge in the South largely because of the regional emphasis in the culture, and that Alabama is basically in the center of the South (and in the center of Southern regionalism). But from an outsider’s perspective, UT’s fanbase was a fresh breath of Southern air when it came to SEC fandom.

But that’s more a function of Appalachian culture than anything else. It’s not fair to hold Alabama culture to the measuring stick of Appalachian culture, so I don’t get worked up about it. I just remember that internet chats always come off angrier, snarkier, and ruder than intended.

As for the UT fans you meet personally, I can’t vouch for them. With fanbases as large as these two programs enjoy, you’ll undoubtedly meet your fair share of jerks. Add to it the pride and rivalry between the programs, it’s no wonder your time in Tennessee was met with some resistance.

But the important thing to remember is that UT is better for a strong Alabama program, and Alabama is better for a strong UT program. Alabama needs UT, and is largely defined by UT. (And vice versa.) And it’s to your loss that UT is struggling right now – just like it was to UT’s loss that Alabama went through the coach-of-the-month program for so long.

So feel free to stick around and contribute. Part of the fun is the rivalry. But we’re not in it to be jerks (there are other places you can go for that, I assure you). If you want to have a little banter, you’re welcome to it here. But we’ll all go home at the end of the day as fellow Americans enjoying our lives and encounters.

Kindest regards, and congrats to your team’s victory over UGA.

by Hooper on Oct 2, 2008 1:06 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

And yes,

I agree with your signature. ;-D

by Hooper on Oct 2, 2008 1:06 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Hello Kind Sir.

Dear Bammer,
This is not my characterization for all Bama Fans by any means. Just odd encounters that I have with very specific people. If you read some of the other posts, you’ll see that we are highly critical of our own team and are struggling with the issue that our long time coach may or may not be the man for the job. At any rate, I work in Alabama and I have to listen to Paul Finebaum everyday because it is sacred writ that he be on the somebody’s desk radio every day. Otherwise the earth will open up and swallow the office. My point is this: we’ve heard all the jokes about our orange hunting/stadium wear, our Coach’s body type, etc etc. Everybody loves jokes unless you or your team happen to be on the wrong end. I only wrote this for a laugh and unless you really are Bama Band Alum sitting five cubes over, none of this is directed at you.
Sincerely,
Voice Over Boy

Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.

by MeytonPanning on Oct 2, 2008 1:19 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Fulmerizer!
But ill say this. Its common when a team is staring down the barrel of a rebuilding process and seeing the end of their prominence in a sport. Likewise, its just as common for a team that is finally climbing out of the [dump] that it has been in for nearly 2 decades.

Its obvious that UT is team A and Bama is finally team B. As a Bama fan who is 26 years old, i have really only known the Bama team thats in the gutter, not that one that won NC’s like Fulmer eats donuts (sorry i had to throw that jab in) So to finally see for myself an Alabama team be as good (maybe) as the ones i have heard stories of, makes this 5-0 start even better. I don’t know who this Bama Band Alum is or how he has acted in the past but the joy he is feeling right now is probably something he hasnt felt in 15 years. Sure we put together some "nice" squads in ’99 and ’05 but none had the talent this team has. Let us have our place in the sun right now because its been a very long time since i have had a tan.

Thanks,

Bammer

Sorry, dude. Love to have you here, but there’s language standards here at RTT. The Fulmerizer doesn’t care about team loyalties; all language not recommended for kids’ ears gets the treatment.

Stick around and enjoy yourself, but keep it PG like the rest of us.

by Hooper on Oct 2, 2008 2:46 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

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