Bruce is Loose's open letter to John Calipari

Dear John,

Let me first say that it is truly a pleasure to watch such a master coach at work. . . . Your conference, Conference USA, stands as a man among boys compared to everyone else. . . . Just looking at a list of schools in the Conference USA is a virtual who's who of athletic dominance:

Eastern Carolina

Marshall

Central Florida

UAB

Southern Miss

Tulane

Tulsa

SMU

Houston

Rice

UTEP

Karns High School

. . . .

You created quite a stir when you claimed that Memphis was getting ready to move from "being Tennessee's team to America's team." . . . Some people use their heads, but you my friend stick to the heart and the heart speaks truth. And then to top it off by cla[i]ming that you are "America's team"?  BRILLIANT.  People like whoever they are told to like, you and I know that, and you have told the state of Tennessee and our great country that YOU are our team (it's Conference U-S-A for a reason).  Thank you for being the leader that we need during these tumultuous times.  I guarantee that I would be better off if you would tell me everything that I need to think.  PLEASE JOHN JUST TELL ME AND I WILL DO IT.

. . . .

You have already let it be known that "playing Tennessee is not beneficial to your national schedule".  What does [Bruce Pearl] not understand about this?  Maybe you should consider sending Coach Pearl a letter telling him to leave you alone.  Something like this:  MEMO TO BRUCE- I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY YOU. I AM GREASING THE HELL OUT OF MY HAIR AND WATCHING FILM ON EASTERN CAROLINA.  See if he has some smart response to that one.

. . . . You think Bruce Pearl knows anything about teamwork?  Maybe so, maybe not.  We don't know for sure because he has not called himself one. You are a renaissance man.

. . . .

Sincerely,

The Hog