(via zzzack)

Ah, welcome to our fine establishment. For your pleasure today, we have a fine sampling of the finest delicacies on our buffet line. At such a reasonable price cough, free, cough, how could you possibly resist such a fine fare?

     (via jspatchwork)

Well, it would be a fine fare, if it existed. Unfortunately, the opening day here at Golden Dragon is a little, um, well, minimalist. But your trip here is not all a waste. For though the buffet lines are empty, our stockpile of Fortune Cookies currently overflows the kitchen. So, who would like a Fortune Cookie, compliments of our establishment?

You, sir? What is your name?

"Jonathan Crompton"

Ah, most honorable Crompton, here is a cookie for you:

Your great patience will be rewarded with many riches.

Your lucky lottery numbers are:  4, 6, 12, 21, 81, and 87.

And you, what is your name?

"Gerald Jones"

Honorable Jones, welcome to the Golden Dragon.  Have this cookie, and may its luck shine on you:

Many adventures await for you today; do not hesitate to explore every opportunity.

And here is a cookie for you:

You have had much stress.  Sleep in late, spend the day relaxing, and avoid difficult situations.  If you do, you will wake up much refreshed.

Sir, I did not catch your name.  What was it?

...

Sir, please speak up.  I am hard of hearing.

...

One more time?

"Kevin Craft"

Oh.  Many apologies, Mister Craft.  Perhaps I can interest you in our medicinal herbs, available in the back for low, low, cash-only prices?