Working with the Enemy(ies): This is a bad week to work in Alabama....

Everyday I commute from southern Tennessee and drive to work in Huntsville, Alabama.  I do this because the money is better in Huntsville and I love living in Tennessee.   The best of both worlds....right?  Maybe not.   So far Auburn fans and Bammer fans are really pushing the limits of my willingness to continue to let them breath. 


I. Am. About. To. Crack. 

The Auburn fans can't talk crap right now to Bama fans, so to compensate they have decided to talk smack to the UT fans.  The Bama fans, who apparently won the National Championship this past Saturday, are talking crap to everyone.  Here is a not so random sample of the things I've heard so far.  Immediately following is the painful voice over thingy I hear in my head....sometimes louder than usual.  It has to be a voice over because I'd probably get fired if I said the things I really wanted to say to these jerks.

1.  The "I-have-an-Auburn-Sticker-on-my-Car-Yay-War-Eagle" Guy said to me, "Man, Muschamp really shut UT down this past Saturday!  What, Muschamp is at Texas?  No way, I'm gonna check that, I think you are lying.  (Checks Auburn website) HOLY CRAP, he is!  [Voice Over] You moron.  Yes Muschamp is at Texas.  Where have you been?  Do you even like Auburn?  Or do you just have the sticker and wear the clothes becuase all the cool kids do.  Did you watch the game?  Because if you did, statistically you should have blundered into the information that Tommy Tuberville goes through assistants faster than he goes through a Family-Pack of Q-Tips.  Which is to say....really really fast.  I bet you watched the pre game but got distracted when you noticed the Battlestar Galactica marathon was on Sci-Fi.  LEAVE ME ALONE, MAN, I CAN'T TALK FOOTBALL WITH YOU.  I know more about Auburn that YOU do and I don't even like them.......Yes, I would like one of the cookies your wife made.  Thank you. 

2. The "God, Crimson Tide, Family" Guy said to me, "God, it's really hilarious to see how bad Tennessee is.  You all are still living in the past with 1998 season." [Voice Over] Seriously?  A Bama fan talking to me about living in the past?  Are you serious?? {looks up at the ceiling with angry fist and shouts, UNIVERSE YOU WIN AGAIN!!!!}  Win your first four games and now you can't shut up.  I remember last year when you called in sick on Monday after the Louisiana Monroe Game.  I remember when you finally came back to work three days later you said that you had been busy helping your Mom move and you hadn't been able to catch the game.  Oh sure Mr. I've-Never-Missed-A-Home-Game-Since-I-Was-8.  Oddly enough, that streak was somehow still alive when you brought it up a couple of weeks ago.  When I called you out on it, you said you had to leave the game early to help her move.  Dear Lord, Please don't let me lose it and punch him in the Face.  Dear Lord, What is the capital of Thailan-------NOOOO don't do it, you need this job!

3. The "I was a Bama Band Sousaphone Player So I Get the Inside Scoop Every Week" Guy said to me, "Its absolute crap that Oklahoma is number 1.  Look at how they choke during BCS bowl games.  They will never finish the year unbeaten.  Bama has the inside track to Miami." [Voice Over] Ah yes, beat two top ten teams and go ahead and give the Championship to Ala-freakin-Bama.  Oklahoma has no shot.  Its not like they've done anything lately.  What has Bob Stoops got on Nick Saban?  Its not like Oklahoma has gone to the Independence Bowl twice in the past two years......wait a minute....which team did that?  Stop wearing your band polo to work.  Nobody is impressed that you hefted a Sousaphone in college.  What the hell is a Sousaphone anyways??

4. The "Lone Georgia Fan in the Office" Guy said to me, Nothing!  For once since last year's Sugar Bowl, this guy has had suprisingy little to say on Monday! [Voice Over] What a lovely German term, Schadenfreude....I kind of wish it had been South Carolina, but heck sometimes you takes what you gets.  Even if it is delivered in a ghastly crimson package.

5. The "Actually Reasonable Auburn Fan Who Follows the Rest of College Football" Guy said to me, "Man, both our offenses are horrible, dude.  It's going to be long season for both of us......And please, somebody has got to do something about Bama...."  [Voice Over] You are the only person I like in this office. 

There are much more of these incidents to come.  It's a cubicle farm so there is bound to be more college football talk this week.  Will keep RTT posted.

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