Hear ye, hear ye. It's Time. Time for Tennessee Volunteer fans to gather for the ceremonial reading of the Record of Wrongs, a litany of the offenses committed by the South Carolina Gamecocks.

• November 1, 2008: Tennessee 6, South Carolina 27, the 2008 game in which fans finally reached the fifth stage of grief. Almost immediately following acceptance came Fulmer's firing, widely considered one of the dreariest days in Tennessee football history.
• October 27, 2007: Tennessee 27, South Carolina 24. Yes, we won this one, but we nearly drove off a cliff after a 21-0 halftime lead turned into a win in an overtime that almost wasn't but was because our own penalty allowed Daniel Lincoln to re-kick a missed field goal attempt to tie the game. (Yes, Lincoln says he knew about the penalty before he kicked the first one, but it's much more dramatic to ignore that particular information.)
• October 29, 2005: No. 23 Vols lose 16-15 to Steve Spurrier due primarily to Arian Foster's fumble within a blade of fescue at the goal line, the blade that broke the camel's back so to speak, causing Randy Sanders to fall on his sword the following Tuesday.

South Carolina's logo features a "gaudy giant C," and "frightened . . . multitasking poultry" that is "squawking its little chicken heart out while molting":

Probably not true

• Steve Spurrier is the devil.
• South Carolina choose its school colors because its two most favoritist things are "black and blood." The institution's first president was an incisored living dead and now resides in a vault in the basement of the campus library.
• The entire athletic department is kept afloat by revenue generated at the school's popular Tuesday Night Cock Fights. They're efficient, adding to the gambling take money made on the poor beaten contestants, as they are put on ice and shipped to Baton Rouge for breadin', fryin', and eatin'.

That's all I've got for now. The floor is open.