The Record of Wrongs: Memphis Tigers

by Joel Hollingsworth on Dec 30, 2009 12:00 PM EST in Tennessee Volunteer Basketball

Hear ye, hear ye. It's time for Tennessee Volunteer fans to gather for the ceremonial reading of the Record of Wrongs, a litany of the offenses committed by the Memphis Tigers.

Used to be associated with John Calipari, the opposing coach we love to hate the most.
"John Calipari is the devil. Or has enough in common with the devil to be mistaken for him at The Kroger."
January 24, 2009: Memphis 54, Tennessee 52. The Tigers relegate the Vols to "merely good."
Memphis claims that the Volunteers are not "Tennessee's team." No, Memphis is "Tennessee's team" and "America's team."
Memphis believes that "playing Tennessee is not beneficial to [its] national schedule."

John Calipari believes that the Vols "foul, like on every possession."

Calipari believes that Tennessee can only get players from Memphis if Memphis doesn't want them.

Calipari says he is more afraid of Tulane than Tennessee.

Calipari's arrogance is derived from success against Atlantic 10 and Conference USA opponents.

Calipari's standard response to having to honor the contract requiring Tennessee and Memphis to play home-and-home games:

Memphis players slap fans (click for big and then see the poor guy dressed in red among all that horrid blue):

Memphis retailers sold thousands of blue I Hate Orange t-shirts prior to the Pearlfection game last year.

The Memphis athletic department denied ESPN's request to pack out the FedEx Forum with half Tiger fans and half Vol fans and instead limited admission to 3,500 Memphis fans.

Memphis somehow orchestrated a distribution of tickets to last year's game such that it seemed almost as if no two Tennessee fans were sitting next to each other.

Calipari (intentionally?) referred to Memphis native J.P. Prince as "P.J." last year.

Memphis players basically wrapped Chris Lofton up in a tight little taquito shell last year so he could barely move, much less shoot.

Calipari considers Tennessee "a regional power."

The maximum distance Calipari can be kicked is only 200,000 miles.

There is no program in the country that respects Tennessee less than Memphis.

Memphis fans taunted Dane Bradshaw three years ago by chanting, "Mem-phis Re-ject."

Their abnormally-colored logo looks less like a blood-thirsty carnivore than your paraplegic grandfather rolling his wheelchair toward you looking for an inappropriate hug.

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I hate Memphis

Just to reiterate my sentiments from last year’s meeting with Memphis:

I despise the actions of the thugs that comprise the UM team. I despise their arrogant coach and his greasy hair. I despise their “big fish in a little pond” fans. I despise “Perfection” montages (I saw enough with the NE Patriots this year). I despise Memphian politics. I despise the fact that everything about that city is “Elvis”. I despise the fact that I had to look at and hear about Elvis’ daughter all night. I despise the number of hours I’ve wasted in the car transversing the state of TN to visit an ex (not ex at the time). I despise their craphole of an airport. I even despise Fed Ex, simply because they’re HQ’d in this God forsaken waste of materials. UPS is much better anyway.

There. I feel better already.

by Aerobab on Dec 30, 2009 3:34 PM EST reply actions