The Big Orange Roundtable - Week Five

The Pigskin Pathos has the honors this week...

1a. Urban Meyer is last in line to order at a Pahokee, Fla. McDonald's. The door suddenly opens, and Lane Kiffin walks in. Urban Meyer is not above momentarily turning his head to see who enters a room, as we are all wont to do. Upon seeing each other, both coaches pause for a moment, knowing that an awkward encounter is inevitable.  Lane, being the brash one, decides to initiate. Finish the conversation, use as many lines as you feelare necessary.

There's only one way this ends:  Kiffin uses the only line necessary - "WILD BOYZ!" - and Orgeron bursts thru the glass, rips his shirt off, and fights everyone in the restaurant.  During the confusion, Meyer simply walks away slowly, at that villainous pace where he's still the fastest guy in the room. 



1b. What do both coaches order?

Kiffin:  Whatever he wants after Orgeron has his way with the staff.

Meyer:  Urban Meyer does not eat at McDonald's under any circumstances.  He's there to meet with his new Associate Head Coach SLASH Team Parole Officer.

2. If an asteroid were on a direct impact course with Earth, what could Eric Berry do about it? If he is successful in stopping the asteroid and saving the world, does he win the Heisman then?

Since being told by Ed Reed to preserve his body to ensure a lengthy career, Eric Berry doesn't hit the asteroid hard enough to totally destroy it, just hard enough to break it into smaller sections.  He chooses his pursuit angle after consulting with the Google of Defense, and upon impact the smaller pieces are last spotted heading towards Gainesville, Athens, and wherever Charles Woodson lives.  He does not win the Heisman because ESPN repeatedly shows clips of Taylor Mays helping old ladies cross the street, which is clearly a superior accomplishment.

3. If you were on the planning committee for the Neyland Stadium renovations, what new things would you propose to be added to the Stadium and surrounding areas that are not already in the works?

Give me the information I want so I don't have to go looking for it somewhere else.  With all of our fancy LED screens, we should be able to consistently update team and individual stats throughout the game, and post them on one of the boards.  If Jonathan Crompton completes a long pass, show me his updated yardage and completion percentage for the game.  If we run for 200 yards in the first half against Western Kentucky, I want to know as it's happening, not at halftime.

They did a better job last year of keeping the scoreboard updated from around the SEC/Top 25, but that too still leaves room for improvement.  If we're playing South Carolina but Florida and Georgia are tied in the 4th quarter, show me who's got the ball and where, and exactly how much time is left.  If ESPN.com can do it, the good people we're paying millions of dollars to at Neyland Stadium should be able to do it too.

4. I am a former Pride of the Southland member, so I've been always curious about this. What are your three favorite songs that the Pride plays? What is your least favorite song? What songs would you like to hear the Pride play on game days?

My favorites are Rocky Top (of course), The Battle (from Gladiator, the song where all the students bring their shakers down on the downbeat), and Heartbreaker...which I can't stand when I hear Pat Benatar do it, but with the band it somehow sounds cool.

My least favorite song is Hey Baby...because Florida plays it.  Leave it alone.

What would I like to hear this year?  How about Wanna Be Starting Something?  It's timely, the title affirms what our new administration is trying to do, and if you could get people to sing the "ma ma se ma ma sa" part, it might be cool...full disclosure, I haven't listened to the radio in about three years, so I have no idea what the kids would think is cool for new POTSMB music.

5. Being a half Auburn blog, I feel compelled to ask this:

Since 2003, Auburn has quietly amassed a 4 game winning streak against Tennessee. How would you describe the current status of the Tennessee-Auburn rivalry (if there is one)? 

I think if you're in your late 20s or older, it is a rivalry because you remember the annual meetings in the decades before this one.  If you're younger than that or new to Tennessee Football, I'm sure Auburn is just another team, because there's plenty of hatred going around already with us.  The last three meetings, the Vols got beat by Auburn's undefeated 2004 team, and then played the most frustrating game in the history of games last season, which didn't turn out well for either team...so I don't really feel like Auburn has our number overall.  We won't see them again after this season until 2013, so the further we get from the early 90s the less it's going to feel like a rivalry.  Auburn has Bama, Georgia, the rest of the West, plus a much more heated affair with Florida on their rotational schedule.  We have Bama, Florida, Georgia, plus two teams that are desperate to create a real rivalry with us in Kentucky and Vanderbilt.  I'm sorry Auburn...we were good together once.  But I'm afraid our lives are just too busy for each other now.  I'm truly sorry.

Next week, Roundtable hosting duties come to RTT...