Hear ye, hear ye. It's Time. Time for Tennessee Volunteer fans to gather for the ceremonial reading of the Record of Wrongs, a litany of the offenses committed by the Florida Gators. Get a cup of coffee because this will take awhile.

• Tony Joiner used our cheese for his sandwich .
• Offensive lineman Matt Patchan called Lane Kiffin a bozo.
• This woman:
• These guys:

Urban Meyer . . .

• eats his own;
• is humorless;
• stole the spread from Jim Chaney;
• emits evil subliminal messages;
• hates the media;
• killed Smokey in a point and stare competition;
• cheated (or not!) by calling a recruit who was visiting Tennessee at the time;
• told Jesse Scroggins he would change Florida's offense if Scroggins committed;
• told Jevan Snead he was recruiting Tim Tebow as a linebacker;
• is never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever going to Notre Dame;
• is just plain mean:
  
  
  
• boasts a repertoire of dance moves consisting only of Greased Lightning:
  
  
  

Dates and scores

• 1991: Gators 35, Tennessee 18. Ron Zook stole a portion of Tennessee's playbook.
• 1993: Gators 41, Tennessee 34. Redshirt freshman Danny Wuerffel's first start for the Gators.
• 1994: Gators 31, Tennessee 0. Wuerffel scores on four of his first five possessions, giving the Vols their worst home loss since 1924.
• 1995: Gators 62, Tennessee 37. Wuerffel scores seven TDs on seven consecutive possessions.
• 1996: Gators 35, Tennessee 29. Peyton Manning throws four interceptions and loses a fumble on a sack.
• 1997: Gators 33, Tennessee 20. Wuerffel leaves, Manning returns, Gators still win. Manning, who lost a total of nine games in his Tennessee career, lost to the Gators four times.
• 1999. Gators 23, Tennessee 21. Alex Brown dons an invisibility cloak and sacks Tee Martin five times.
• 2000. Gators 27, Tennessee 23. The "Gaffney Game."
• 2002. Gators 30, Tennessee 13. Casey Clausen fumbles on four consecutive plays in a downpour.
• 2005: Gators 16, Tennessee 7. Tennessee suffers a special teams debacle in Urban Meyer's first season.
• 2006: Gators 21, Tennessee 20. Tennessee rushes for -11 yards.
• 2007: Gators 59, Tennessee 20. Utter dishumiliarrassment. Gators players accuse Tennessee players of quitting.
• 2008: Gators 30, Tennessee 6. Florida gives Tennessee a chronic allergy to the red zone.

Probably not true

• Urban Meyer is secretly harvesting the chins and lips of orphaned children.
• Tim Tebow is Gene Simmons' concert double.
• Brandon James thinks banana-kitten smoothies are divine except for the fur.

I'm certain I've missed some. Whatcha got?