The Tennessee Volunteer Coaching Search Mad Lib!
by David Hooper on Jan 14, 2010 11:34 PM EST
in Tennessee Volunteer Football
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PrintIf you happen to need to start another rumor (e.g. if the most recent rumor is already a half hour old), just use this handy-dandy Mad Lib to make your announcement. If you see square brackets, choose an option among those listed. If you see normal brackets, fill in the information as described. You'll get the idea.
It'll save you a bunch of time. And it's not like anybody will know the difference.
BREAKING NEWS: I just heard from [sources inside the athletic department / a friend close to the situation / Mike Hamilton himself] that (insert coach's name here) has agreed in principle to be the next head coach at Tennessee! His [NFL experience / recruiting prowess / successful schemes] will help UT draw back in the recruits needed to beat [Florida / Alabama / Florida and Alabama]. He even has Tennessee ties from (insert actual/imagined Tennessee ties here).
The contract will be for $(insert number between 2 and 4) million for (insert number between 3 and 7) years. Coach (insert new head coach's name here) will keep the current staff on board at least through signing day, and is believed to want to keep them beyond that time.
Welcome to Tennessee, C(insert coach's initials immediately after the capital 'C').
Now in less than a minute, you too can create a firestorm on Volunteer websites like Volquest and Volnation! (Also works if you want to piss off fans of rival schools - just enter in their beloved coach's name and post on their site!)
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I LOVE IT!!
How come we didn’t have this YESTERDAY!!!! Man could we have pissed off some folks in (insert your own hated team) LOL…… Blacksburg would be mine!!!
I just now thought of it, unfortunately.
It only took a bajillion repetitions of basically this exact thing before I finally caught on.
by David Hooper on Jan 14, 2010 11:50 PM EST up reply actions
Beautiful!
Most recent rumors include Vince Lombardi and Bono.
So Sayth King Zach I
by kingofzachland on Jan 15, 2010 12:15 AM EST reply actions
Bono?! ROTFL!
Well, why not? If he’s out saving the world already, why rescue not our football program in his spare time?
Maybe we can get The Edge for defensive coach…
The Downside
He would get rid of our traditional jerseys and helmets for black leather jackets and wrap-around sun glasses.
So Sayth King Zach I
by kingofzachland on Jan 15, 2010 12:21 AM EST up reply actions
so what do we expect tomorrow?
any word on announcements/pressers? 72 hours will be up, are we still thinking they are sticking to that time frame?
The Dual Threat, Official Enforcer/Stat Geek of MCM.
I'd say Cutcliffe yay or nay in the morning
If Hamilton is going to default to Kippy Brown, then I’d say we’ll hear that tomorrow. If we’re extending the search beyond Cutcliffe, then probably another day like today of rumor chasing. Bruce Pearl and Pat Summitt are assisting with the football recruiting weekend either way.
by Will Shelton on Jan 15, 2010 12:28 AM EST up reply actions
:)
Bruce Pearl and Pat Summitt are assisting with the football recruiting weekend either way.
That’s awesome. Way to come together, UT Family!
So Sayth King Zach I
by kingofzachland on Jan 15, 2010 12:31 AM EST up reply actions
MAYBE>>>>>
Just maybe the news of the day will be that Pat Summit will be changing hats and will be the new coach…… those boys better get ready for some heads to get knocked!!! LOL!!!!
Shortest book in the world
I believe you’ll find the above Mad Lib instruction on page 2 of the four page instructional manual used by ESPN reporters ie; Shelly Smith in her breathless “scoop” about Norm Chow leaving UCLA to go to $uc. As an aside, I’m a UCLA Bruin fan and I wanted to tell you that both times that I have been to the Bruins / Volunteers football game (97 and 08) you have without a doubt the most passionate, polite, knowledgeable and gracious fans that I have come across. What “kitten” did was absolutely gutless and without honor. I wish you the best.
I heard from a source close to the situation that the biology department has found a way to resurrect Robert Neyland.
by Prometheus1185 on Jan 15, 2010 12:51 AM EST reply actions
This is actually real
Did anyone see the Sportscenter report that said Muschamp said he had not been contacted? Thats got to be BS right?
You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all.
-- Earl Weaver
Probably a Courtesy.
It looks crappy for us if he just straight up says no. He comes out and says he as never contacted, the waters are muddied, and we save some face.
by Prometheus1185 on Jan 15, 2010 1:23 AM EST up reply actions
clay travis's book covers this
they use an agency which contacts agents of other coaches and judges interest. that way it’s just two intermediaries completely independent of the respective universities. that also allows coaches to say that x university never contacted me.
The Dual Threat, Official Enforcer/Stat Geek of MCM.
Heres mine.
BREAKING NEWS: I just heard from ESPN that Gus Malzahn has agreed in principle to be the next head coach at Tennessee! His high powered offense will help UT draw back in the recruits needed to beat Florida and Alabama. He even has Tennessee ties from drinking Sun Drop.
The contract will be for $3 million for 5 years. Coach Gus Malzahn will keep the current staff on board at least through signing day, and is believed to want to keep them beyond that time.
Welcome to Tennessee, CGM.
Great, so now all kinds of people can walk through that
Simulated Gameday Experience - just like the real thing, only we have smoke machines.
Now that I'm "in" on this
Very funny, and it’s never gonna get old!
"I condone fun things" ~~ Cortland Finnegan
BREAKING NEWS
Tennessee has announced the hiring of Seattle Seahawks Head Coach Pete Carroll. HIs well-coiffed mane, chiseled abs, tireless recruiting, and knowledge of Greek tragedies could salvage a recruiting class left in shambles in the wake of former coach Lane Kiffin’s departure.
In a 6 AM press conference, Athletic Director MIke Hamilton said, “Hey USC, PWNED!”
by DougoUConnPlaysFootball? on Jan 15, 2010 8:09 AM EST reply actions
Kiffin Is Back
Just got word that Hamilton was able to Lure Him Back!
Great idea Hooper
Now we just need it in a editable (word?) PDF format and we can really get crazy….
"I condone fun things" ~~ Cortland Finnegan
groundhog day in bizzarro world
it’s starting to become normal
by golfballs03 on Jan 15, 2010 11:07 AM EST up reply actions
Speaking of...
BREAKING NEWS: I just heard from CBS Sportsline that Bill Murray has agreed in principle to be the next head coach at Tennessee! His experience in some classic sports movies such as “Caddyshack” will help UT draw back in the recruits needed to beat Florida and Alabama. He even has Tennessee ties from driving through the Smokeys en route to play in a Pro-Am tournament in Georgia.
The contract will be for $20 million for 5 years. His contract has an out clause for the making of Ghostbusters 3. Coach Bill Murray will keep the current staff on board at least through signing day, and is believed to want to keep them beyond that time.
Welcome to Tennessee, CBM.
So Sayth King Zach I
by kingofzachland on Jan 15, 2010 11:14 AM EST up reply actions
He knows the Dalai Lama
so he’s got that going for him
by golfballs03 on Jan 15, 2010 11:35 AM EST up reply actions
Only, and I mean ONLY
If wears the comb-over from Kingpin and let’s it go crazy throughout the game just like the movie.
Sold-out stadium for that every week, win or lose.
"I condone fun things" ~~ Cortland Finnegan
I heard Dan Akrroyd
is going to be the Special Teams Coach and Harold Ramis is going to be Secondary Coach. The forgotten Ghostbuster, Eddie Hudson, will continue to serve as warden at Oz. Let’s just hope they never cross streams.
You know Eddie Murphy was orginally supposed to be that 4th Ghostbuster?
True story
"I condone fun things" ~~ Cortland Finnegan
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