Tennessee's Colossal 2010 Football Midseason Adventure

First off, Joel started it. (Well, technically y'all started it, but hey.)

With that being said:

Shall we play a game?

You are standing next to the Tennessee River. It is pitch black.
You are likely to be eaten by Ed Orgeron.
> who
You are Derek Dooley. Don’t you know that?
> i
You have numerous assistant coaches and a football team with you.
Justin Wilcox and Jim Chaney are your right-hand men.
You have a contract from Mike Hamilton.
You have a schedule.
You hear a man's voice yelling in the distance.
> listen
It sounds like Bruce Pearl. He's on your side, so he's harmless.
> when
It is late January, 2010. What would you like to do?
> recruit
Very well, I might add. You have signed the 12th-ranked class in the country!
> prectice
Are you talkin’ bout practice?
> yes
So you talkin’ bout practice?
> yes
Spring practice has occurred!
A quarterback has transferred.
You have no in-game experience at quarterback.
An offensive lineman has left the program.
You have less experience on the offensive line.
You have a starting quarterback.
> xyzzy
You are now in Thompson-Boling Arena. Pat Summitt is also there.
She looks angry.
> xyzzy
You are now in the Tennessee locker room. (That was close.)
A hollow voice says "PLUGH."
> plugh
You are standing in front of a door.
> where
You are in a parking lot. A camera is nearby.
> search John Calipari
He doesn't seem to be here, but you find some tracks indicating he's been by here before.
Maybe if you wait a few minutes, he'll show up.
> search sanctions
You find some sanctions! They don't look like yours, though.
A Toyota Prius drives by. Fortunately, you don’t have to worry about that.
A temporal anomaly swallows the Prius.
> plugh
You are now in the Tennessee locker room. (That was close.)
Some members of your team have found Bar Knoxville.
They are in a maze of twisty little passages.
> remove Darren Myles, Jr.
How'd you know?
> suspend Greg King
Greg King is now suspended.
> suspend Marlon Walls
Marlon Walls is now suspended.
You have lost your depth at defensive tackle.
> reinstate Marlon Walls
You have acquired depth at defensive tackle.
> reinstate Greg King
Greg King has been reinstated.
> end preseason
Preseason is over!

MEMORY ERROR: the program accidentally auto-completed your first game.
Congratulations! You are now 1-0.

> walk Neyland Stadium
A duck stops your progress! He’s tall, and he’s dressed in something
that looks a little bit like a sailor costume.
What would you like to do?
> examine duck
It looks kind of like a cartoon duck. It has a big yellow "O" on its chest.
It looks like it might be able to cast some sort of blind spell,
but it left the components at home.
> attack
You have scored!
> attack
You have recovered an onside kick!
> attack
You have scored!
There’s lightning in the area. The game has been suspended.
The game has resumed. Oregon has initiative.
> defend zone read
Your defensive end is unblocked.  Oregon has gained 14 yards!
> defend zone read
Your defensive end is unblocked.  Oregon has gained -2 yards!
> defend zone read
Your defensive tackle is unblocked.  Oregon has scored.
> defend zone read
Your defensive end is unblocked.  Oregon has gained 7 yards!
> defend zone read
Your defensive tackle is unblocked.  Oregon has gained -3 yards!
> defend zone read
Your defensive end is unblocked, but surprise! It’s a bubble screen.  Oregon has scored.
> quit
unrecognized command
> fast-forward
The game has ended. Oregon has won.
> score
You don't want to know.
> score
You still don't want to know.
> score
Fine. 48-13.
> yikes
What'd I tell you?
> skip Saturday
It's Saturday. Now what?
> view schedule
Looks like you're in Knoxville.
You encounter a large alligator.  It looks like it could do some damage if you try to hit it,
but it doesn’t seem to have any teeth.
> examine alligator
It's missing an eye and a lot of teeth. But it's big and has a lot of scales.
It'll be difficult to do damage to it. And that tail is pretty hefty.
> attack
With your bare hands?
> convert third down
You can't do that! Matt Simms has been sacked.
> punt
You punt. Florida fumbles! You have recovered!
> convert third down
You can't do that! Florida has intercepted the ball.
Florida has initiative.
> stop third down
You can't do that!
> stop third down
You can't do that!
> skip halftime
You have skipped halftime. Tennessee is tired! Florida has scored 17 points.
> protect QB
You can't do that! Matt Simms has been sacked again.
You have lost to Florida. Lane Kiffin is singing Rocky Top.
> wait one hour
You wait one hour. Lane Kiffin is singing Rocky Top.
> wait four hours
You wait four hours. Lane Kiffin is singing Rocky Top.
> wait Sunday
Lane Kiffin has stopped singing Rocky Top.
> skip Saturday
It's Saturday. Now what?
> view schedule
Looks like you're in Knoxville.
You encounter a young dragon!
> say "Trogdor?  Is that you?"
What is this, 2005?  Come on.
> examine dragon
Although most dragons are dangerous, this one doesn't seem that bad.
Maybe it's because you don't have a sword.
> name dragon
What would you like to name the dragon?
> name dragon Grundle
The dragon's name is now Grundle.
> fight dragon
Very well. How would you like to fight the dragon?
> balanced attack
Your balanced attack is successful!
Grundle attempts to hit you with his tail, but misses!
You are leading 23-7.
> balanced attack
Your balanced attack is not successful.
Grundle attempts to hit you with his tail, but misses!
Grundle attempts to hit you with his tail, but misses!
Grundle said something nasty! Your Guts have decreased by 3!
> defend third down
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!
Grundle has initiative! Grundle has scored!
Grundle attempts to hit you with his tail, but misses!
> balanced attack
The troll took your balanced attack. You don't have any attack.
> what troll
A troll is a mythical creature that can regenerate limbs and health given time.
It doesn't deal well with fire, though.
> how did a troll get into this game
Don't look at me.
> you're the game
Don't look at me.
> this was your decision
No it wasn't.
Grundle has scored! The game is in overtime!
> what
What what?
> finishing move
Matt Simms completes a pass to Denarius Moore! Tennessee wins!
Your record is now 2-2.
Better not tell anyone how close that game was, though.
> skip Saturday
I'm sorry, I can't do that.
> view schedule
Huh.  Looks like you have to go to Baton Rouge now.
> fly Baton Rouge
You have landed in Baton Rouge. A small white mailbox is next to the landing strip.
> examine mailbox
The small mailbox is closed.
> open maibox
Opening the small mailbox reveals a leaflet.
> get leaflet
Taken.
> read leaflet
The leaflet says "Welcome to the Baton Rouge Mystery Spot, where logic takes a holiday
and all laws of nature are meaningless."
> discard leaflet
Are you sure?
> yes
You discard the leaflet
You find a sign saying "Welcome to Bedquilt."
You encounter a bat wearing a white hat.
> examine bat
Woeojuwejhdjwe!
> examine hat
Woeojuwejhdjwe!
>
>
>
>
>
>
Are you actually going to type something?
> play LSU
You have initiative. A bat in a white hat steals your initiative.
LSU has initiative!  LSU scores.
What would you like to do?
> attack
You are successful.  LSU takes 7 points of damage.
> attack
Your attack does nothing.  LSU's goggles do nothing.
> defend
You don't need to do that.  This is Gary Crowton we're talking about here.
> attack
You are successful.  LSU takes 7 points of damage.
LSU has initiative.
> defend
It's 3rd and 13.  What would you like to do?
> prevent first down
LSU converts!
It's 4rd and 10.  What would you like to do?
Oh, wait.  It's 4th and 15.  What would you like to do?
> prevent first down
LSU converts!
It's 3rd and 1.  Time is running out!  LSU changes personnel.  What would you like to do?
> substitute personnel
What was that?  I didn't understand
> match personnel
What was that?  I didn't understand.
> do something
Do what?
> change personnel
You signal a personnel change!  LSU misses the snap!  You have won!
A bat in a white hat steals your victory! He replaces it with a loss. The game is over.
> score
16-14, LSU. You are now 2-3.
> score
16-14, LSU. You are now 2-3.
> score
16-14, LSU. You are now 2-3.
> score
Saying "score" over and over again won't change it.
> change score
I'm sorry Derek, I can't do that.
> drink
Drink what?
> drink anything
You drink a bottle of water.
> drink alcohol
There's no alcohol nearby. Just kidding. You're in Baton Rouge. You drink.
> drink
You drink.
> drink
You drink.
> drink
You drink.
> drink
You pass out.
> check hangover
Hangover check passed! It probably helped your previous job was in this part of the country.
> skip Saturday
I'm sorry, I can't do that.
> view schedule
Looks like it's Athens this weekend.
> travel Athens
You're running low on gas! Better find a gas station.
> locate gas station
You locate the nearest gas station.
> check full service
It's a full service station!
> yell Alshon Jeffery
He doesn't seem to be here.
> timecheck Alshon Jeffery
He probably won't be here for at least a couple of years.
> refuel
You attempt to refuel, but it's a full service station.
You can't refuel at a full service station.
> wait five minutes
You wait five minutes.
Your vehicle is refueled.
> travel Athens
You have arrived in Athens.
A dog blocks your path. It seems ..lethargic.
Also, it looks like it's missing one of its legs.
> examine dog
It's large and white. It's sitting on a block of some kind.
You can't tell what it is at this distance.
> walk dog
You don't have a leash.
> approach dog
You approach the dog.
> examine dog
It's large and white. It's sitting on a block of some kind.
At this distance, it looks like it's sitting on a block of ice.
The dog casts Paralysis! You are paralyzed!
The dog attacks! Georgia has scored!
Georgia has scored!
The paralysis has worn off.
> ATTACK
You don't have to shout.
> attack
You have scored! You have given away initiative.
Georgia has scored!
Georgia has scored!
The score is 27-7.
> blast
Blast requires dynamite.
> blast dog
Blast requires dynamite.
> eat dog
I think I just lost my appetite.
Georgia has scored!
> attack
You have scored! You have given away initative.
Georgia has scored!
> fast-forward
The game is over!  Georgia has won.
> score
You don't want to know.
> skip Monday
You have reached your bye week!

-----------------------------------------

Source material:

Colossal Cave Adventure

Zork

Adventure

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