RTT Talking Points, New Math Edition

The State of The Vol Nation: Divided! The Great Pumpkin thrusts the Vol Nation- nay- the World! into paroxyms of self-doubt. Will we ever recover? Friend vs. Friend! Neighbor vs. neighbor! Disgruntled ex-coach crying sour grapes vs. everyone else! Dark times, indeed. Behold:

• Luke Stocker and Mr. Simms? Struggling to get on the same page!
• After spending a "great deal of time" investigating the Great Bar Knoxvile Bar Rumble '10, the Knox County DA has announced they're filing no further charges, due to (gasp!) totally inexplicable "contradictory statements" from a bunch of drunk people in the middle of the night!
• Once, Matt Simms had a friend. Now- they are MORTAL ENEMIES!

The Gators? Similarly torn asunder:

• Florida's Chris Rainey is struggling through a difficult breakup! And Alack! his lovelorn has taken up with that hussy Omarius Hines!
• Even the Gator Army: divided! Because John Brantley is the Jennifer Aniston of college football, and nobody wants him.
• Florida linebacker Brandon Hicks refuses (REFUSES!) to be divided (or, in his terms, "pierced.") "We feel like no teams can come through our defense and just run all down our throats. We feel like that's not going to happen at all." Because they only let happen against South Florida.
• Further divided: Mr. Rainey's late unpleasantness has pushed the number of arrests under the Meyer regime to a pleasing, easily-dividable 30 (look, you try carrying on a stupid metaphor for a full blog post some time, OK?)

Amongst our stalwart beacons of the fourth estate? Discord! Dissension! (Running out of synonyms!)

• ESPN analyst and vol homer Chris "the-kinda-vol-homer-vol-homers-need-like-a-frickin-hole-in-the-head" Low is torn over whether the vols will ever succeed, again, ever
• Meanwhiles, CBSSports.com can't decide whether there's "been too much upheaval even for a great program like Tennessee to endure" or there's just "no infrastructure in this program that some of the winning programs have."