Breaking Vols News: There is no stupid news

Rocky Top Talking Points, End of History Edition:

So seriously, there isn't any frickin' news. Nothing. Nada. All your news outlets have failed you. You should really just click away now and take this time to do something meaningful with your life, like at look at pictures of your wives and families on Facebook.

I'm not kidding. Look at this crap:

• Tuesday's practice sucked.  Wednesday was better!
• In a true story-breaking coup, the Sentinel is reporting that (In particularly un-Bear-like form) Dooley taught the Vols the importance of washing themselves! 
• Homeland Security is paying for new cameras in Neyland, presumably in case someone tries to build a mosque there! Or something. 
• Rick Russo took a break from doing that weird head-twitchy thing to cram more duck and lawyer puns into a paragraph than anyone should.  Ever.
• No one seems to have any idea what the Vols need to do to win. DC Justin Wilcox says drugs won't work. (And if you're still dying to get all parallel-universe-trippy-tripped-out, Wes Rucker said like TOTALLY THE SAME THING earlier, but with, like, different words! Journalism's heady, bro) EPSN's Chris Low says we just gotta slow their roll.
• Not like it's any better for the Quack-people. The Oregonian (I seriously still can't believe that's a word) says the Ducks need rhythm! Chip Kelly thinks they need music! So basically they're Judy Garland.

So you get the idea. Journalism is dead and life has no inherent point.

***EXCEPT***

For the soaring insight and laser-like analytical skills of your crack unpaid community-blogger! (after the break, obviously).

You know what nobody's talked about? Headgear.

Rocky Top Talking Points Expert Analysis, Haberdashery Edition:

• Chip Kelly says boring things about rodeos and wears a dopey visor, while 
• Derek Dooley apparently killed Wild Bill Hickock and stole his hat.