Breaking Vols News: There is no stupid news
Rocky Top Talking Points, End of History Edition:
So seriously, there isn't any frickin' news. Nothing. Nada. All your news outlets have failed you. You should really just click away now and take this time to do something meaningful with your life, like at look at pictures of your wives and families on Facebook.
I'm not kidding. Look at this crap:
- Tuesday's practice sucked. Wednesday was better!
- In a true story-breaking coup, the Sentinel is reporting that (In particularly un-Bear-like form) Dooley taught the Vols the importance of washing themselves!
- Homeland Security is paying for new cameras in Neyland, presumably in case someone tries to build a mosque there! Or something.
- Rick Russo took a break from doing that weird head-twitchy thing to cram more duck and lawyer puns into a paragraph than anyone should. Ever.
- No one seems to have any idea what the Vols need to do to win. DC Justin Wilcox says drugs won't work. (And if you're still dying to get all parallel-universe-trippy-tripped-out, Wes Rucker said like TOTALLY THE SAME THING earlier, but with, like, different words! Journalism's heady, bro) EPSN's Chris Low says we just gotta slow their roll.
- Not like it's any better for the Quack-people. The Oregonian (I seriously still can't believe that's a word) says the Ducks need rhythm! Chip Kelly thinks they need music! So basically they're Judy Garland.
So you get the idea. Journalism is dead and life has no inherent point.
***EXCEPT***
For the soaring insight and laser-like analytical skills of your crack unpaid community-blogger! (after the break, obviously).
You know what nobody's talked about? Headgear.
Rocky Top Talking Points Expert Analysis, Haberdashery Edition:
- Chip Kelly says boring things about rodeos and wears a dopey visor, while
- Derek Dooley apparently killed Wild Bill Hickock and stole his hat.
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"Oregonian"?
Bwahaha, that’s ridiculous. Much more ridiculous than Chattanoogan. Or Tennessean.
Lou Brock loves Lamp.
So who all is going to be at the game?
Or otherwise indisposed? I might be playing Halo with The-Now-Split-Apart-College-Gang because, well, you know. Which just means I’ll be a Spartan sitting still most of the time while I watch the game on my computer, but would certainly not have time to join the open thread.
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I will give my North Carolina for Tennessee Today. Apparently.
I wish I could speak as fast and as well as Russo, but that article is one of the worst things I’ve ever read.
by Joel Hollingsworth on Sep 9, 2010 8:51 AM EDT reply actions
How'd you make it all the way through?
And how the heck did an editor not spike that thing?
Simulated Gameday Experience - just like the real thing, only we have smoke machines.
by Chris Pendley on Sep 9, 2010 9:13 AM EDT up reply actions
AccuScore.com
Says 31-24 Oregon.
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I will give my North Carolina for Tennessee Today. Apparently.
If I get a really slow news day...
…well, I just hope you guys like Rafael Nadal.
...just apologize for not thanking me.
From what I can tell
better hope Holly doesn’t see that post.
Simulated Gameday Experience - just like the real thing, only we have smoke machines.
by Chris Pendley on Sep 9, 2010 12:39 PM EDT up reply actions
I'll gladly take on any and all Nadal haters
Seriously, the Fed/Nadal thing has gotten almost hilariously polarizing. If you’re into tennis, you’re either loudly rooting for Team Fed, or equally loudly rooting for Team Nadal. And there are really no other teams. The people rooting for Djokovic are probably drinking Tab.
...just apologize for not thanking me.
So is Fed supposed to be Edward and Nadal Jacob? Or is it the other way around
Hope’s it’s the former. Because “Team Fedward” sounds so funny.
The people rooting for Djokovic are Maryland fans.
Simulated Gameday Experience - just like the real thing, only we have smoke machines.
by Chris Pendley on Sep 9, 2010 1:46 PM EDT up reply actions

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