Things That Are Worse Than Playing LSU and Alabama Back to Back

. . . when they're #1 and #2 in the nation and you're without your four best players.

Hey. We've hit a bit of a rough patch here on Rocky Top, and it's not like we were seriously entertaining the thought of beating the Tigers or the Tide this month anyway, but now, without Hunter, Bray, Lathers, and others, things are almost certainly going to get worse before they get better. Yeah, LSU and Fate both owe us for 2010, and we could pull off a shocker, but the Magic 8 ball is currently answering all serious questions along those lines with HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

As bad as it could get, though, it's important to keep in mind that there are things worse than watching your bamboo get watered on an October Saturday in the south. Really.

Such as? Such as:

  • Being tied to a chair and forced to listen to a song specifically and scientifically designed to be the worst-song ever, which, you are warned, includes all of the following components: holiday music, bagpipes, pipe organ, a children’s chorus, Wal-Mart, cowboys, political jingoism, George Stephanopoulos, Coca Cola, bossanova synths, something called "banjo ferocity," harp glissandos, and tubas." Warning, earworms herein.

  • Admitting that you paid to see Howard the Duck in 1986.
  • Eating a plate full of Casu Marzu, directly translated as "rotten cheese," and also sometimes referred to as "maggot cheese."
  • Watching Ring of Bright Water with your impressionable kids. Hey, the cover makes it look like a children's movie. You'll fall in love with an mischievous and adorable river otter, and you will be astonished when it is bashed in the head and killed by a ditchdigger.
  • Attempting to explain to your children that someone made money off of that cake-baking lament MacArthur Park, which, incidentally, has the full endorsement of Dave Barry for the unintentionally worst song ever.
  • Surfing YouTube and suddenly discovering that your mom has been viewed 1.7M times doing this:
  • Having your boss attempt to reduce healthcare costs by getting everyone in the office one of these, whhhicch hhaas absssssssssssoltuely noood imppppppact onf yorewwwwjlkw typpppppppppppinnnngg tursuutttt meeeeeeeeee:
  • Watching the 2008 Vols.
  • Celebrating a win only to watch it turn into a loss after the fact.
  • Twice.
  • In one season.
  • After Lane Kiffin.
  • Just sayin'.

So yeah. No matter what happens the next two weekends, things could be worse. Consider this group therapy, and your assignment is to identify at least two things that are worse than the worst that could happen. Crowdsource Powers, Activate!

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