We're skipping the keys this week, because the only key is to recovery across the board. Nothing else matters right now.
Except for making fun of everyone else, because hoo boy did everyone else in here throw up some terrible picks last week. Well, almost everyone.
THIS IS THE PART WHERE WE PUBLICLY HUMILIATE KIDB FOR PUBLICLY HUMILIATING HIMSELF WITH HIS HUMILIATINGLY ATROCIOUS PICKS AND KIND OF MAKE FUN OF I_S BECAUSE WE'RE USED TO HIS BAD WEEKS BY NOW
Chris: 5-1 Last Week, 37-26-3 Overall
- Vanderbilt (+10) @ Florida - James Franklin IS Sylvester Croom IN WE GONNA KILL YOUR HEAD COACH DEAD BY HOME LOSSES 2: THE FRANKLINING. And then he's gonna go to Southern Cal.
- Tulane (+9) @ UT-San Antonio - Tulane lost by 3 in a 10-7 affair. Will Muschamp's going to put this film on in some late night session when nobody else is near his offices. He might even break out a bottle of cheap whiskey, because Will Muschamp doesn't drink wine.
- Hawaii @ Navy (-16.5) - Full marks to Navy for being charitable to the travelers and only winning this game by 14. Very nice of our brethren in the armed forces.
- Kansas @ Okie State (-30.5) - Does anyone know what Charlie Weis' buyout is? Asking for a friend. Is it greater than Kirk Ferentz's, who is also terrible but is way, way better than Weis.
- Arizona State @ Utah (+6.5) - Utah is a strange, strange land, and Todd Graham's dream job will be in Austin within the next two years. He has family there, you know.
- Southern Miss @ Louisiana Tech (-16.5) - You know who might help Southern Miss? The ol' gunslinger. Man, it'd be nice if he laced them up one last time.
KidB's Free Money For Vegas Picks: 2-4 Last Week, 32-33-1 Overall
- LSU+12.5 over ALABAMA: You know what the Kid is a fan of? A good, strong rushing attack that can control the clock and keep the chains moving.
- VANDY+10 over FLORIDA: Sometimes he gets lucky and realizes other people have brilliant ideas like using the passing game as a barometer for offensive success.
- Mizzou-13.5 over KENTUCKY: Heck, there are even times when he does smart things like insist Tyler Bray was better than Casey Clausen. Those times are few and far between, though.
- Notre Dame-4 over PITTSBURGH: With that being said, ultimately the only things the Kid cares about are time of possession and penalty yardage. Anything else is inconsequential.
- Louisville-28 over UConn: He thinks the only stats that matter for quarterbacks are wins, and that AJ McCarron (2 rings, composed presence) is way better than Johnny Manziel (0 rings, terrible teammate and distraction). Matter of fact, if the Kid has his way Dooley would be getting more time this season because he got run out of town on a rail.
- UCF-10.5 over Houston: And for all the talk about how the Kid is a tennis fan and like Nadal's game, you know what he really likes? The power game of Sam Querrey.
I_S's "Milos Raonic Quality" Picks: 2-3-1 Last Week, 31-33-2 Overall
- WKU -5.5 over Army: I feel like now would be a good time to remind I_S that when you trust Bobby Petrino, he's likely to take your dreams out on a nice bike ride. (And his mistress. But mostly your dreams.)
- Virginia Tech +6.5 over Miami: Hey look, it was the One Game Where Logan Thomas Looks Competent And Fools Everyone Into Thinking He's Not A Bigger Reggie Ball!
- North Texas -25 over UTEP: This is a good time to remind everyone that Dan McCarney (aka that guy before Paul Rhoads and Gene "5-19 but I hired Gus Malzahn" Chizik) took Iowa State into prominence, and not too, too long ago North Texas was excellent.
- Notre Dame -4 over Pittsburgh: Tommy Rees is a high-end Justin Worley. This doesn't excuse losing to Pitt, but it does explain it.
- Michigan -6.5 over Nebraska: Al Borges is making the Clawfense look like a box of firecrackers. He just needs more time. Also, somehow both of these teams are bowl eligible, which is a sign the bowl system has outlived its usefulness.
- Alabama/LSU under 55: I mean, when I think of this game I think 38-17 is a great example of the strong SEC defenses we have to deal with week-in, week-out. I think Alabama is also playing at a different difficulty level in NCAA Football than everyone else, and this the last year I can make that joke because hey, lawsuits!
IN WHICH THE ROCKY TOP TALK COMMENTARIAT MARVEL AT THE ABILITY OF PEOPLE TO CONSISTENTLY PICK BADLY
Chris Has No Idea What He's Doing
Ohio State (-33) @ Illinois - HAHAHAHAH Illinois is terrible and Urban Meyer got the compassion gene surgically removed.
UCF (-16.5) @ Temple - George O'Leary in New Orleans is a dangerous proposition, but it sure ain't Temple that's going to do anything to stop them.
Central Michigan (-2.5) @ Western Michigan - Row, row, row your way to 1-10. I want you to succeed, Fleck, but I don't want you to succeed tomorrow.
Utah @ Oregon (-26.5) - Utah's a weird, dangerous team at home. Oregon's pissed.
Oregon State (+14) @ Arizona State - the night is dark and full of terrors, and Oregon State -- with their panoply of two yard passes, and nothing else -- is going to make someone life's hell before the season is out.
Houston (+15.5) @ Louisville - Into the mouth of Teddy Bridgewater I attack, and I fear nothing.
KidB's "Big Time Free Money This Week" Picks
Oklahoma State-3 over TEXAS: So, Texas wins a few games and I'm all of a sudden supposed to stop picking against Mack Brown? Nah, dog.
West Virginia-6.5 over KANSAS: This line confuses me. Has Kansas been competitive in any conference game this year? Have they shown anything loosely resembling competence in any aspect of playing the sport of football? Has Charlie Weis ever inspired confidence in anybody other than Athletic Directors? Those questions are rhetorical. Dana Holgorsen and his sweet sweet hair laugh at this line.
Central Florida-16.5 over TEMPLE: Temple is certifiably atrocious at the game of football and UCF is only favored here by 16? Do what? Temple lost to Idaho. Let that marinate for a second. Idaho. I LOVE this game.
AUBURN-3 over Georgia: Tennessee played both these teams. We almost beat one of them. We got absolutely obliterated by the other one, who is playing at home this week. I shall rely upon this as helpful evidence. Also, Guz Malzahn is to Mark Richt as Rafael Nadal is to Milos Raonic. One is really good at what they do, the other is arguably good, but also arguably mediocre. And only one of the two has a Butt Cut, which has nothing to do with either Nadal or Raonic, but everything to do with smart decision-making, or a lack thereof.
UCLA-2.5 over Washington: This line indicates that Washington would be favored over UCLA on a neutral field. Which is of course ridiculous as UCLA is objectively better at the game of football than Washington. But more than anything, I just wanted to take this Friday night game so I can get out to early lead against Chris and I_S. And then send them taunting text messages.
OREGON-26.5 over Utah: I see Oregon resuming it's usual Modus Operandi of beating the absolute funk out of every team in the Pac-12 not named Stanford.
I_S's "Milos Raonic Quality" Picks
- Central Michigan -2.5 over Western Michigan. Central Michigan, while terrible, is the best of the directional Michigans by some margin this year.
- South Alabama +7.5 over Navy. Always like teams that have an extra week to prepare for the option, and South Alabama really isn't a terrible team in their own right.
- Washington +2.5 over UCLA. Washington has played one really, really awful game this year, and I'm willing to chalk it up to fatigue of all kinds after playing top five teams two weeks in a row. They're better than UCLA.
- Oregon State/Arizona State over 64. Oregon State has solid enough offense and no defense. Arizona State will score 50 if you let them.
- Wisconsin/Indiana over 69. A good old fashioned B1G shootou. . . what? Indiana can drag anybody kicking and screaming into a shootout. Their game with Michigan State hit a total of 70. I rest my case.
- Kansas +6.5 over West Virginia. This is mostly because I don't love the rest of the week, my other lean is Oklahoma State, and I've had more success as a contrarian than a follower. But West Virginia hasn't looked particularly competent this year, and they seem like the sort of team that will play up or down to their competition (the only game they've won by double-digits is Georgia State. This includes William and Mary, which is arguably worse than Kansas). Off two OT games in a row, they get to go on the road and play a tough. . . okay, not actually anything close to a tough team, but Kansas, can you try to play something resembling football this week and make me feel smart?