So I've always loved using the EA Sport's NCAA Football franchise to "predict" games and see what comes out, and this year I decided to do my XBox a favor and insert it into the Pick 'Em contest. Are you smarter than my XBox? Probably, but we'll find out! The system used for determining picks was, obviously, who won the game and the confidence points are determined by the margin of victory (excepting overtimes, which are always the least-confident picks). In the event of a tie of margin of error, the lower aggregate score has a higher confidence, and in the event of an exact-same-score, I put USC on the bottom.
Week 1 results:
20. Tennessee 42 Austin Peay 0 - The Vols amass a 510-88 victory in yards gained and hold Austin Peay to 2-15 (13%!) on third down. The Vols run for over 300 yards and only turn the ball over once: a fumble.
19. Texas A&M 38 Rice 0 - Texas A&M sucks.
18. Louisville 45 Ohio 13 - Louisville had over 800 yards of offense and only scored 45 points? That's the sign of bad corching, fellas. What would Tennessee do if they could get 800 yards of offensive? Butch please, you don't even want to know.
17. Northwestern 34 Cal 7 - SPMA SIRENS! (South Park Meme Alert SIRENS) When you are completing less than 33% of your passes, you're going to have a bad time.
16. Ole Miss 51 Vanderbilt 21 - Ole Miss jumps out to a 24-7 halftime lead and never looks back. Related: Vanderbilt also sucks.
15. Florida State 32 Pitt 3 - This game is the weekly winner of "Victory to Get a Fanbase Excited Only So That They Can Lose Embarassingly Later" award.
14. Georgia 45 Clemson 24 - One of the two Marquee SEC-ACC games falls entirely on its face as Georgia takes a 31-10 lead into halftime and cruises from then on out. Georgia more than doubles Clemson's offensive production and converts on 75% of their third downs to completely dominate the time of possession, which I know Chris will really be happy about.
13. Mississippi State 44 Oklahoma State 23 - The SEC flexes it's might with another dominating OOC win. The Bulldogs lead 27-10 at halftime and win on the back of 3 Cowboy turnovers (no, this isn't the NFL) and win handily despite being outgained offensively.
12. NC State 33 LaTech 14 - NC State has always been my "ACC Team" which means that I'm legally required to remind I_S that his team sucks and smells like fish.
11. Auburn 24 Washington State 7 - Gus Malzahar's voidlings manage to push WSU away, allowing an early touchdown but stuffing the cougars into a null zone the rest of the game. Malefic Visions punishes the Pac-12 visitors as they throw 3 interceptions and the Tiger's front line's nether grasp suppresses the opposing mid laner into a 12-21 peformance.
10. SMU 32 Texas Tech 18 - I spent a long time trying to find this game under the 'Big 10' filter, reminding you that the Big 12 is stupid and so is everyone who isn't us. Also, Texas Tech lets an 18-0 lead slip away at home so neener neener we'd NEVER do that!
9. Washington 38 Boise State 24 - Boise State turns the ball over 7 times and Sooners across the globe simultaneously cheer and cry and, somewhere, the Statue of Liberty grins. (Spoiler: if the Statue of Liberty did grin, it'd be in Manhatten.)
8. North Carolina 23 South Carolina 10 - The opening game of the season shows a beautiful catastrophe that evicts many great gifs and comments from the RTT community as South Carolina has a very balanced turnover victory with their 2 INT, 2 Fumble, 0 Takeaways against the Tar Heels. I feel this is my time to remind any NC fans that, while their team might win, their legislature does not and you should be active in fixing the problems facing teachers in your state. HOP TO IT.
7. Virginia 34 BYU 21 - In what I assume is a new record for them, Virginia scores 28 points in the second quarter to save them from the otherwise really bad football they probably played. *
6. USC 34 Hawai'i 21 - The Warriors run for 32 attempts and pass for 39 and prove that I probably know nothing about football teams out wester-than-west when I think this ratio should be about 4:78 instead. Lane Kiffin also wins, which makes me happy because I want his abject failure to come when more eyes are on him.
5. LSU 27 TCU 20 - A very entertaining, back-and-forth game sees LSU score the final points on a 2-yard what-I'm-certain-was-a-physical-affair into the Horned Frog's defense. Nature can't solve all your frailties, TCU, and you might want to evolve a bit more of a backbone before facing a Tiger. Seriously, google 'Tiger vs Horned Frog' and the result is just LOL. But good job, good effort! all the same.
4. Cincinatti 38 Purdue 28 - There were two touchdown runs of over 90 yards in the simulation, which I would probably bet against if I saw a line for in Vegas. Guys, can we call Purdue the Heat to give them a morale boost for sucking? I mean, that's a Boiler-Maker, right? Heat? And then they can throw chalk in their opponents eyes and tell the ref 'I'm a professional so travelling is free!' and save their school a lot of money? I had no idea what to say about this game. Blah Blah Life-After-Butch Blah Blah Big 10 football is boring. I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy too. I hope you're proud how you've hurt your cause forever; I hope you think you're clever. These Wicked lyrics are just there to make sure you're paying attention, you passed like Tyler Bray and a beer bottle! Yay!
3. Penn State 13 Syracuse 11 - Less than a minute and a half into the season, Syracuse inflicts a safety on themselves that ultimately was the difference in the game. Welcome to the ACC, [FULMERIZED].
2. Alabama 26 VaTech 24 - If this game is a 2-point game where Alabama has to score the final two touchdowns in a 4 minute span to squeak out a win, I will eat my hat.
1. Kentucky 27 WKU 24 (OT) - NCAA auto-generated names for the rosters of this season because I forgot to download named rosters, but I want to point out that Kentucky's kicker was named 'D. McDonald' and on that farm he had some clutch, but Kentucky still sucks. If you say that last bit in-sync with the beat of the song, you will grin.
(* Note: I know nothing about Virginia football, or Virginia anything. We have Jamestown and Virginia Dare, Virginia, go suck it.)