Rocky Top Talk :: The 2006 College Football Blogger Awards: The Mythical National Champion

Welcome to the final presentation for the inaugural College Football Blogger Awards. In addition to yesterday's winners, the following winners were announced today:

That brings us to the award for the best blog period, or what we like to call the Mythical National Champion. You want nominees? You got 'em:

Every Day Should Be Saturday

Back in late November and December, when we first announced these awards and started soliciting ideas for nominations, I had some kind of wicked infection that was spontaneously inducing severe vertigo, which, if you have never had it, isn't nearly as fun as it sounds. In nominating Orson Swindle, his partner-in-crime Stranko Montana, and their blog EDSBS, I had this to say:

Got a nice note from Orson a few days ago that basically said that he was glad I was not dead, which of course is high praise coming from a Gator fan. As I was basking in his endearing words, it hit me. I suddenly knew the root cause of my recent illness.

You see, I've taken on the responsibility of gathering and compiling all of the aspartame that bloggers have been sprinkling on each other as they make their nominations for the 2006 College Football Blogger Awards, and in doing so, I've noticed a recurring theme:

Orson, Orson, Orson!

It's sickening, really. Orson, Orson, Orson.

I sat down last Thursday night ready to write something nice about Orson when, I kid you not, I was suddenly afflicted with severe nystagmus followed immediately by a marathon cack session to end all cack sessions. Now my household is not above having a bit of fun with vomit, but this was not your typical puke-for-five, break-for-ten, rinse-and-repeat-until-empty session. No, this was pure evil, undiluted and unbound by the temporal. I'm fairly certain that I still have a toenail wedged between my first and second molars.

I blame Orson, of course, so there will be no kind words or thoughts about our rival to the south. Okay, so maybe he's brilliant, but you won't hear it from me. He may well be more of a comedic genius than an all-time, all-star SNL cast, but such an opinion will not be aired here. Sure, he could win any of the best blog awards for which he is eligible, including the Mythical National Champion, and he would probably sweep all of the best-post categories if we let him, but I . . . will . . . not . . . think nice things about him.

Orson, Orson, Orson . . . makes me sick.

Got it? Okay, then.

My nomination for the Mythical National Champion is . . . Orson. Somebody get me some Phenergan, STAT.

Of course, this Orson love-fest didn't just happen at the nomination stage, it happened today and yesterday as well, as we announced the winners. If you've been following us around these past couple of days, you're well aware of this fact.

Read Orson for a mere moment and you'll know immediately that he can make you need new shorts. Read him for a week, and you'll know he can just as easily substitute goosebumps for guffaws. Read him for a season and you're apt to have nightmares of Lee Corso whispering diabolical nothings into your ear. Yet another thing is indisputable, and anyone who has ever engaged in an instant message conversation with him will back me up on this: southern speed is indeed alive and well in the SEC. The man types faster than most people speak. Here's a tip: before you begin the conversation, just go ahead and type and copy the trusty old "LOL." There will be plenty of opportunities to paste it into the discussion, and it buys you time to catch up.

All right. Enough of that, because I'm beginning to feel dizzy. But Every Day Should Be Saturday, congratulations on winning The 2006 College Football Blogger Awards' Mythical National Championship and half of the other awards as well. Please be informed that next year the CFBAs will be called the "Swindles,"* and yes, that is a ruse to preclude EDSBS from ever winning anything again.**

**This (EDSBS not winning next year) will, in fact, be true. No winner of any particular category this year will be eligible to win that category next year and will likely be tasked with the presentation for that category. So praise Orson while you can, 'cause he's not winning next year, and he's got a lot of work to do.

RUNNER UP: Sunday Morning Quarterback, who's been "[s]econd-guessing the split-second decisions of college kids under extreme physical duress since 2005." SMQ had an excellent showing in this year's awards, winning the Bran Muffin for his Friday Morning Quarterback series, the Jenn Sterger's Rack Award for Chris Fowler's Diary, and the Best National Blog.

That's it. The inaugural College Football Blogger Awards is in the books. Stay tuned for the inevitable flame wars in the various comment threads about who got screwed this year. Check back in with this year's Trophy Case over the next week or two, as I'll be updating it to include the winners and new importable bookmarks/favorites and RSS feeds. Thanks for reading and for playing along.

The Mythical National Champion Blog

Every Day Should Be Saturday