Tennessee-Alabama analysis canceled due to bovine conspiracy

by Joel on Jan 30, 2008 7:33 AM EST in Tennessee Volunteer Basketball Comment 6 comments

I've always been suspicious of the cows.

Ever since we assembled the trampoline and put it in the backyard two years ago, the cows in the pasture behind our house have been acting strangely. You can see in their eyes a growing jealousy of my two daughters who have spent countless hours jumping and laughing and playing on the bounce machine. Sure, they look like they're just going about their business, grazing, defecating, occassionally mooing, but in the midst of all of their ostensible plodding, I'm becoming more and more certain that they are instead plotting, conspiring.

And last night must have been the designated time to execute their outlandish scheme because when I awoke, the trampoline had been moooooved. I can't tell exactly what happened because the security camera I had trained on the pasture since the day I first suspected the cows were up to something malfunctioned last night. Coincidence? I think not.

I know it was they who attempted to steal the trampoline away to the pasture for their own pleasure. Fortunately, cows, as a species, are not known for their ambition, and so they apparently aborted the scheme halfway through. The trampoline was half in and half out of the pasture, straddling the barbed-wire fence. It must have been the steel post sticking through the middle of the tarp, anchoring the thing to the earth, that thwarted the plan. I must admit, it was the thing that almost kept me and my wife and oldest from getting it back to its proper location this morning.

When we'd gotten it back to where it belonged, I watched the cows. Most were avoiding my gaze. Jackson the mule, though, was staring straight at me. He knows something.

So although I don't have any evidence, I'm convinced it was the cows. Either that or the 60 mile an hour winds.

Anyway, that explains why there will be no analysis from me of last night's Tennessee-Alabama game except for the following:

Wayne Chism's headband: missing
Other headbands: orange
Officiating: um, okay
Chris Lofton: woo for three in a row!
Score: 93-86

University of Tennessee		University of Alabama
31-68 (45.6%)	Field goals	33-66 (50.0%)
12-27 (44.4%)	3-Point FGs	4-13 (30.8%)
19-28 (67.9%)	Free throws	16-27 (59.3%)
45 (21-24)	Rebounds (Off-Def)	36 (14-22)
9	Steals	10
1	Blocks	5
19	Assists	20
23	Turnovers	20
0.83	Assist/turnover	1.00
28	Pts off turnovers	27
13	2nd-chance points	16
16	Bench points	24
36	Points in paint	54
6	Fast break points	16
2nd-00:37	Last field goal	2nd-00:16
10 (2nd-17:58)	Largest lead	2 (1st-02:49)

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So much

for eating mor chikin, huh?

by Hooper on Jan 30, 2008 10:21 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Wayne Chism's Missing Headband

Early in the game we was fighting for a rebound and his headband got knocked off and went flying into the Bama bench, never to be seen again. I figured he'd get a new one at half time but nay, Wayne forged on with no headband, like a warrior.

And a big WOOOOO for Lofton's jumper being officially back. Three straight games of lights out shooting. The pieces are falling into place to make a run in the tournament.

And now... the BasketVols!

by Volorado on Jan 30, 2008 10:39 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Waterboarding

I hear waterboarding is quite an effective means of extracting intelligence. However, I'm not sure of it's effectiveness on cows and mules. Only one sure way to find out, right?

by Aerobab on Jan 30, 2008 10:44 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Prince

Anybody notice the play in the second half where Prince was receiving a pass at the top of the arc from someone deep left along the arc, and he short armed it then stood there as bama raced with it down court.

It struck me as odd because i have read about him pouting, or getting frustrated and taking himself out of the game...but i really saw it in that play.

Great win, and not to be a negative nancy, but the defensive intensity i remember against xavier and gonzaga doesn't seem to be there right now. IMHO.

Woo Lofton being back! Go vols!

by guilded on Jan 30, 2008 11:01 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

I remember that

I think. Was that the one where the pass was a bit of a soft lob, and he didn't run up to it to assure the possession? Then the Alabama guy hustled over and stole it with a bit of a head of steam toward the basket?

If that's the one, then I thought is was a lazy play, too. He seemed to forget for a moment that Alabama had been looking for steals and turnovers all night long, and that ball control was at a premium.

by Hooper on Jan 30, 2008 11:04 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Could be the most hilarious post of the day!

Well Done! Since I read this article this morning, I've been thinking the same thing about the cows in the pasture across from our property as well. Maybe there is something to this.

BCSBusters - A regular Season Bracketed Playoff, Truly Making Every Game a Playoff In College Football.

by bcsbusters on Jan 30, 2008 4:57 PM EST reply actions 0 recs