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Talking Points: on Heismans, stale sandwiches, and other old news

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And you, Jermaine Cunningham, with your four-year education handed to you because you’re reasonably adept (sack leader!) at hitting guys with your whole body….you so callously toss away the greatest treasure of starving students everywhere because you can’t be bothered to cough up a buck for a bag of chips? The only thing I could recognize on the menu at my froo-froo lunch date today turned out to be a sandwich made of RICE. I’d kill a man for half your lunch, if you hadn’t already thrown it at some poor counter boy.

Third Saturday in Blogtober:

Police officer (drawing his gun): "Son, put down the Reuben, and no one gets hurt."
Cunningham: "I’ll throw it, I swear! I love this $%&#! sandwich, but I’ll throw it."
Backup officer: "You’re surrounded, kid. The Turkey on Wheat will only get you in trouble. Lay down the sandwich."
Demps: "You heard the pig, Jermaine. Show’s over, bro."
Cunningham: "They ain’t even got my sandwich right, though, man. It’s a Chicken Club (tears streaming). YOU HEAR ME! A CHICKEN CLUB!! (Being cuffed now). Rye!? Rye are you arresting me??"
Employee: "This is the most action Jimmy Johns has seen all season. If this Jimmy Johns was in Tuscaloosa, it would be quiet all year."
Urban Meyer’s punishment for Cunningham will probably be a solid week of making him eat only Quizno’s leading up to the bowl game, he’ll be suspended for one play without pay and end up having four tackles for loss and a sack against Illinois in the Capital One Bowl.
  • Third Saturday in Blogtober also has a funny personal anecdote that has absolutely nothing to do Tommy Tuberville signing an extension with Auburn.
  • Who else loves the Haka?
  • And if anyone’s looking for the recruiting board, well, it’s here. Yes, we know it’s in need of a fresh coat of paint – we’re working on it.
  • And finally, pardon the erratic blogging as of late. Lots happening right now, including yesterday when my wife and daughters were in a car v. tree stump accident. Fog and rain had conspired to create a very slick area on a very curvy road. Everybody’s fine, but the car may have to be put down. I just happened to be on the phone with my wife when it happened, and let me tell you, you don’t ever want to have 911 on a land line in one ear and your screaming and crying daughters on the cell in the other. Like I said, everything’s fine now, but for about 30 seconds yesterday morning, things were not fine. Not fine at all. Learn vicariously, folks. Go hug your family.