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Eating the Enemy: Southern Miss Golden Eagles

Secrets of the Universe Revealed! How does one end up at the top of the food chain? Friends in high places. You know, like the Capitol Building, which houses the seemingly endless promulgation of endangered species lists, and, um . . . Heaven:

You may eat any clean bird. But these you may not eat: the eagle, the vulture, the black vulture, the red kite, the black kite, any kind of falcon, any kind of raven, the horned owl, the screech owl, the gull, any kind of hawk, the little owl, the great owl, the white owl, the desert owl, the osprey, the cormorant, the stork, any kind of heron, the hoopoe and the bat. -- Deuteronomy, 11-18.

Don't even think about it.

Okay, I can live without the vulture and the bat, but the eagle looks like it might be downright tasty with buffalo sauce. Scary, but tasty in a gamey sort of way.

But nobody's eating eagles these days. I defy you to find evidence on the internet that anyone has ever even considered it. Bald Eagles were recently removed from the endangered species lists and, alarmingly, there are to this day no sites devoted to the culinary pleasures of our national fowl. Shoot, Golden Eagles are on the opposite end of the endangered spectrum, and nobody's eating them, either. What gives?

And so we have us a quandry about what to eat this Game Day when the Tennessee Volunteers take on the Southern Miss Golden Eagles. This is all I've got:

Seven-Layer Bars, featuring copious amounts of that deliciously glutinous drizzle, Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk.


  • 1/2 cup unsalted butter
  • 1 cup graham cracker crumbs
  • 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
  • 1 cup butterscotch chips
  • 1 cup coconut
  • 1 cup chopped walnuts
  • 1 can (15 ounces) sweetened condensed milk


Melt the butter; mix in graham cracker crumbs. Pat crumb mixture in a 9-x13-inch baking pan. Sprinkle the remaining ingredients over the crumbs in order given, in layers. Pour the sweetened condensed milk over all.

Do NOT stir. Bake at 350° for about 25 minutes. Cool and cut into bars.

So what are you bringing?