Things I hear at work, and the things I want to say but can't because the economy stinks and the only things I hate more than crimson elephants are job searching and moving.
1. The "Bama Band Jerkface" guy said, "Want to go to Smoothie King for lunch?"
Hello, That guy. You would want to go to smoothie king, princess. I know you are not aware of this, but I wear size 38x34 pants. It says so on my jeans. In other words, I don't go to Smoothie King unless there is a new Meat-tastic Smoothie I haven't heard about. I know as much about smoothies as I do about Indian curry cuisine: which is to say nothing and it would probably Muschamp my stomach. Yes that is a new verb. Get used to it. Disclaimer: I don't have anything against Smoothie King or anyone who goes there. I just needed the mechanism to make fun of Jerkface...... I'm sure Smoothie King is quite wonderful...(that last line was a bald faced lie)
2. The "lone Georgia fan in the office" said, "I'd hate to be in Auburn or Knoxville right now! IT'S GREAT TO BE A GEORIGA BULLDOG!"
Thank you, Sir. Oddly enough, I was not aware of the problems in Knoxville. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. Your concern is duly noted and will be addressed with urgency and in the order it was given. And yes, I imagine things are down in Auburn as well. Tony Franklin probably has bodyguards in his residence these days. And yes, I realize that things are not looking good for the Vols in Athens. So I realize that anything I say to you will only make you smile inside because you will know that you elicited a rise out of me. So I choose not to play your game, Sir. Instead I shall choose the passive aggressive route and write something nasty and condescending on the internet about you. I will probably say something like, "Nice meltdown two weeks ago. Thanks for resurrecting all those Tide fans." And I'll add something like, "So much for preseason number 1's." And I'll finish with, "God I hope we pull something out of our be-hinds like we did........THE LAST TWO YEARS!!"
3. The "Kansas Grad Who Just Discovered Football Exists in Lawrence" lady said, "I'm sorry but the Big 12 is head and shoulders above the SEC."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Not the best conference debate. NOOOOOO!!!!! Why must we have this argument? I know SEC fans love to use conference strength of schedule as a talking point---but in all honesty it means little. So Mr. KU grad, what does the strength of the Big 12 actually do for you this year? Because you already lost a game with a team from the Big East. Does that mean the Big East is better than the Big 12? NO! It means that South Florida was better that night against Kansas. It says nothing about conference vs. conference. Is the Pac-10 better than the Big 11 because they blew OSU out? On the same token is the Mountain West better than the Pac-10 because they won 6 games this year against Pac-10 opponents? NO! Please stop trying to make my brain explode! No one will ever win this argument because there will always be some team from the BEST CONFERENCE EVER that blows a game against an out of conference opponent they had no business losing to!! It's impossible to win this argument!
4. The "New Hampshire Lady who Knocks Boots with a Bama Fan and doesn't know squat about football," said, "See I told you so! NIU was tough!"
I now feel inadequate. Thank you for that. Pardon me while I google The Idiot's Guide to Sepuku. VEEK VEEK VEEK!
5. The "Actually Reasonable Auburn Fan who follows college football" said to me, Angry Things I Can't Repeat on RTT about "Ma Fudging" Tony Franklin who couldn't "Coach a Fudging Dog to Eat, Stink, or Lick his Fudging"-that's enough buddy-"if they were hanging off his fudging nose!"
Stay away from the light good buddy! Please come back. Take a breath. Ten of them, even. Vandy is legit this year. They are good! I promise. Would it make you feel better if somebody else lost to them? Consider it done (probably)! In the bank! It will be okay. Your defense is beautiful. Think of them! The defense man! If your defense was a woman, she would be smoking hot! She would be smoking hot and completely unsusceptible to advances by other men. If the defense was a woman you would definitely want to date her! Heck yes! You'd marry your Defense!
6. The "Vandy Grad" said to everyone, "This fall has been a weird experience for me."
All things aside, good for you man. Enjoy it.
For all those die hard Vandy Fans, I truly am happy for you guys--division race or not. For all those season ticket holders that went to UT-Vandy games in Nashville and watched as orange-clad fans outnumbered them in their own stadium--this has been wonderful time for you and I am, in all seriousness, happy for you all. It's easy to be a fan if you are lucky enough to be born into a family with ties to a school with a winning heritage. For myself, Tennessee (well usually it's easy), for others Southern Cal, Florida, LSU, Texas, Oklahoma, Penn State, Michigan, or Ohio State. For those fans, being a fan is easy because more often than not you are winning. It's the fans like those Nashville-ians that rock the black and gold at Vanderbilt, that show everyone what being a faithful fan all about. That, through thick and a lot of thin, they continue to show that they are proud to be associated with Vanderbilt. Even if you are a SEC East rival, how can you not be just a little bit happy for them?
Having said that and without getting into what should happen to our own coaching staff, I ask that all us Volunteer fans take a page out of the Vandy fan playbook and reflect on the situation. Whether we realize it or not, we have had it great (not just good) for a long time. Right now it's rough, but it's those hard moments where your character shines through. We will get back there...and when we do...the struggles endured during seasons like these will make getting back that much sweeter. [To self, god that was preachy. Quick tell a joke it's getting uncomfortable in here]