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BRITTON COLQUITT ARRESTED FOR DUI, LEAVING THE SCENE

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Fury:

Britton Colquitt, a punter on the University of Tennessee football team, was arrested on charges of driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident early this morning.

According to the Knox County Judicial Commissioner's Office, Colquitt, 22, hit a parked Ford Focus on Jackson Avenue near Humes Street at 2:56 a.m. today while driving a 1998 Jeep Cherokee, then fled the scene.

The Knoxville Police Department stopped Colquitt on Gill Avenue near Gratz Street. He admitted to having two beers, three mixed drinks, hitting the car and a tree stump, according to police records.

This is not the first alcohol-related problem for Colquitt; he had three alcohol-related arrests in 2004.

Rage. Vexation. Exasperation.

Disappointment. Embarrassment. Aggravation.

The Papa better crack some heads and kick some stuff over. This is out of control:

Seriously, y'all can lose games, and I'll still support you, but I really don't want to be associated with a team full of crap like this. Do we miss Trooper Taylor and Gerald Harrison that much? What's going on?

TEAM MEETING, Y'ALL. LEADERS, TIME TO TAKE CHARGE:

Jonathan Crompton, you take the QBs. Watch them day and night. All of them. Curfew them. Be their freakin' parent, 'cause apparently most of them need it.

Lucas Taylor, you're responsible for the receivers. I know you don't like to talk much, but you take all of 'em, and you know where they're at at all times. Have them inside and in bed by 11:00. Up at 6:00 to work out, and make them so tired they can't even think of doing anything else.

Arian Foster. Wait. Montario Hardesty, you're in charge of the backs.

Josh McNeil. Never mind. Anthony Parker. Crap. Ramon Foster, you got the offensive linemen. Good luck with that.

Eric Berry. You got the defensive backs. And, shoot, just take the linebackers and defensive linemen, too. You're our only hope.

Update [2008-2-17 18:3:42 by Joel]: GVX's inadvertent commentary on the matter:

Update [2008-2-18 6:21:7 by Joel]: Fulmer has suspended Colquitt for five games and stripped him of his scholarship. And no, I don't feel any better about this this morning.