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Post-game awards: Tennessee-Florida edition

Worst start, special teams. Brandon James taking the opening kickoff all the way to the Tennessee 44 yard line. Beginning the game on your opponent's side of the field? Refreshing!

Worst start, offense. Arian Foster's 15-yard personal foul early in Tennessee's first drive, driving the team back into the Red Zone Allergen where Montario Hardesty fumbled the ball on the next play. Beginning the second drive of the game on your opponent's side of the field? Exhilarating! Tangent: "pooponent is" one of many fine ways of mis-typing "opponent."

Worst start, defense. Being victimized by The Jump Pass on Florida's first drive of the game.

Best insult to injury. Verne Lundquist, who is apparently tired of seeing this play work. Paraphrase: "Fool me once, fool me twice. But fool me three times? It's not like it's not in the repertoire."

Best idea. Honoring Al Wilson before the game and having him speak to the team to fire them up.

Worst response. Um, the team. When an Al Wilson Custom Special evokes a ho-hum effort in a Tennessee team, we have problems.

Most conflicted. Me, on the idea of promoting the DVD commemorating the 1998 National Championship Season. On one hand, it brings Tee Martin and Al Wilson back to campus, and those pre-game Volunteer Legend sessions, along with the Jumbotron highlights of that fantastic season, are nice. On the other hand, as poorly as the first three games of the season have been, a constant reminder of The Way Things Were is not helping matters. Ohhhhh, now I see. A disastrous season is all part of Mike Hamilton's diabolical plan to sell more DVDs.

Worst sequel, special teams. As if two consecutive years of damage and a 55-yard kickoff isn't sufficient notice, Tennessee decided to punt to Brandon James. James fielded the ball at the 23. Two Vols immediately dove at him, and both missed wide left. Two other Vols converged on him at the 28, forming a perfect, tight triangle. Those two crumpled into a pile as James escaped unscathed to his left. Yet another Vol dove at James at the 29 and got juked so badly that he tripped the guy trailing James. Easy ridin' for James to the 40 where another Vol actually got off his block. He dove but couldn't get to James, who was by this time angling right, toward the middle of the field. James then outran a trailer and the punter, who got spun around while trying to get off the block and either tripped or was blocked in the back. Didn't we do this last year?

Best understatement. Fulmer, regarding the aforementioned Slapstick Punt Coverage: "Not a good punt. Not good coverage." Okay, then.

Best second effort. Tight end Luke Stocker, who rebounded from a positively horrid game against UAB to haul down three catches for 25 yards, a couple of them right at the goal line. On one, Stocker shed two defenders behind the first down marker and plowed over another for the first. On the other, Stocker shed (I know I just used that term, but . . . he's a snake!) the guy covering him, drug another guy five yards toward the end zone, and then carried two other guys into the end zone. He crossed over into the end zone, but his knee was down. Please note that your knee would have been down after the first guy. Overall, a great rebound game for Stocker considering what happened to him last week. And no, Vol fans, this is not a reason to boo our players.

Worst reaction to the Red Zone Allergen. Three way tie. (1) Montario Hardesty's fumble (hardly his fault, as he was turned around to catch a screen pass and got hammered by a defender as he turned up field) in Tennessee's red zone, leading to three points for Florida; (2) QB Jonathan Crompton knocking the ball into the fullback's butt as he was trying to hand off to Arian Foster, fumbling the ball away at Florida's one-yard line and squandering an opportunity for seven points on an otherwise fantastic 14-play, 72-yard drive; (3) Crompton's interception at the same exact spot on Tennessee's next drive, squandering another opportunity for seven points on an otherwise terrific 11-play, 60-yard drive. Bonus points for the CBS video recap of all of Foster's game-destroying fumbles immediately before the botched handoff. Didn't we do this last year?

Worst double vision. Two Vol special teams players perfectly mirrored each other's efforts by blocking their guys in the back on Florida's first punt of the second half. It was men's Olympic synchronized diving without the speedos and televised group showers.

Best helmet trick. Eric Berry, for three excellent tackles in the second half. On the first, Berry blasted out of the secondary into Tim Tebow's legs as he was rolling out. I think Berry took maybe a grand total of one stride. Berry had a similar tackle shortly thereafter where he seemed to just magically appear at the right place at the right time. I do not believe that any traditional means of travel was utilized. Shortly after that, Berry blew up Percy Harvin. He was not there. And then he was.

Most humorous display of toughness. Jonathan Crompton, who popped right back up after getting absolutely head-smacked at the end of a scramble for a first down. Wait, strike the "head-smacked" and substituted "concussed," because the guy he was jawing at wasn't the guy who hit him.

Offensive player of the game. Gerald Jones, who rushed for 19 yards and caught five passes for another 40 yards. If only they would have let him throw it.

Defensive player of the game. Eric Berry, who had eight tackles, a sack, a tackle for a loss, and a time machine.

Creepiest commercial. What's up with those guys in suits blowing bubbles into some nekkid guy's bathtub water? Eeeww.

Most disturbing sight. Hordes of orange evacuating the disaster area midway through the third quarter. Sigh.

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