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The Record of Wrongs: Vanderbilt Commodores

Hear ye, hear ye. It's Time. Time for Tennessee Volunteer fans to gather for the ceremonial reading of the Record of Wrongs, a litany of the offenses committed by the Vanderbilt Commodores.

Probably not true

  • Al Gore was dismissed from Vanderbilt University in 1964 when he discovered a knotted bunch of cables between the sofa cushions in his dorm room and insisted it was the internet. The administration held fast to its belief that it was simply a tangled mess of wire not actually attached to anything, and Gore left in a huff screaming something about "inconvenience" and "truth." The administration's refusal to acknowledge Gore's discovery set the information age back decades.
  • The black and gold star logo of the athletic program is actually a registered trademark of the Southern Man's Skull and Bones Secret Shhh Don't Tell Society.
  • Football coach Bobby Johnson winds down after big games by playing Foggy Mountain Breakdown on the banjo in his Dixie do-rag and wife-beater.

Actually true (sorta)

  • November 17, 2007. Tennessee 25, Vanderbilt 24. The 'Dores gave us a heart attack and a preview of Daniel Lincoln's propensity to kick the ball too low.
  • November 19, 2005. Tennessee 24, Vanderbilt 28. The end of the world as we know it. Tennessee's failure to convert on 4th down and inches within three yards of the goal line resulted in the Vols’ first loss to Vandy in 22 years, the first losing season in 17, and the bowl-less season in 16. Several players threw their helmets on the ground and left them there in the end zone after the game, and offensive lineman Albert Toeaina cursed at a cameraman and was accused of spitting on him to boot. He actually spat on the ground in front of the guy, and he did apologize for that, saying that it was done out of anger and frustration. Losing to Vanderbilt will do that to you.
  • 2006-present. The school made a DVD of their 2005 win over Tennessee and continues to milk it for mileage to this day.
  • 1982, 1975, 1964, 1959, 1954, 1948, 1937, 1935, 1920-1926, 1915, 1901-1913, 1892 (twice!). All losses.
  • A Vandy education costs over $200,000. If the school gives its football players scholarships, they're paying more to their players than any other school in the SEC even if you include Alabama's "supplemental" payments.
  • Their founder's name is Cornelius.
  • The University killed its athletic department. Who kills an athletic department?
  • A Commodore is "the commanding officer of a task force of ships." Crank up the RTT fact-checker:

    Ah-ha! Just as I expected! Landlocked!

I'm certain I've missed some. Whatcha got?