PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL
To: Derek Dooley, Joker Phillips, Robbie Caldwell
From: Mike Slive, SEC Commissioner
Re: Your upcoming appearance at SEC Media Days
Date: July 14, 2010
Congratulations on entering the ranks of SEC coaches. This is not for public consumption, but each year, we challenge all coaches new to the league to work as many randomly chosen words into their appearances in the Main Media Room at SEC Media Days as they are able. If you can achieve a score higher than any other on record, the veteran coaches will take you out for BBQ and drinks at Dreamland. Nutt chose that place initially because he thought it was a strip club, by the way, and we've kept that as the prize just for the nostalgia. By the way, I am contractually obligated to mention in this memo that Urban Meyer does not approve of fun and games and will therefore not be participating.
Anyway, here is the list of words we've chosen for you guys this year:
- One point for each instance of "excited" or "thrilled"
Five points for each instance of the following:
- Concrete
- Pipefitter
- Turkey
- Wrinkles
- Trash (does not count if used within fifty words of the word "agent")
- Watermelon
- Frog gigging
- Inseminating
- De-beaked
- Lipstick
- Blood-tested
- Vaccinated
- Hatchery
Bonuses:
- You'll get a bonus of ten points if the word "special" is used within ten words of any instance of "inseminating," "lipstick," "blood-tested," "de-beaked," or "vaccinated," and you'll get an exponential bonus if "special" is used within twenty words of all of them.
There you have it. Good luck.
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Transcript of Caldwell's session, which includes the winning excerpt:
I done it all, too. If I told some of these ladies, what they put in that lipstick right there, oh, my goodness, because I de-beaked, blood tested, vaccinated. I done it all. It was pretty special.
Dude was one "inseminating" from an exponential bonus.