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The Long National Nightmare is Over

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Morning Talking Points, 'Thank God, the World Has Meaning Again' edition:

Yes, ladies and gentleman, you heard it here first: the football starts today! That means no more:

  • having to see stupid baseball on TV! Hurray!
  • pointlessly throwing your Saturdays away 'spending time' with 'loved ones!' Huzzah!
  • getting drunk enough to pretend you understand that weird, cruelly-named children's game people in other countries play! Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

Today's Headlines:

But wait, there's more! Today's football schedule! Quarterbacks! Geeks! Texans!

All after the jump. Promise.

Yet More Headlines:

Today's Games of Interest (well, sorta):

  • Minnesota at Middle Tennessee 6:30 p.m. ESPNU
    Will MTSU's aspirations to win something called the Sun Belt (Which is like for wrestling, or something) be halted by the deadly Gophers?
  • Southern Miss at South Carolina 6:30 ESPN
    Just for for the whiny Big 10 people: 'SEC! SEC! SEC!'
  • 15) Pittsburgh at (24) Utah 8:30 Versus
    Should be the best game of the night, if you can figure out what the crap "Versus" is to actually watch the thing
  • Complete List of Thursday's Games