|Week 9||Week 10||Week 11||Comments|
|Mississippi State||Mississippi State||Mississippi State||Consistency is the hobgoblin of... okay fine, we were wrong.|
|Arkansas||Arkansas||Arkansas||The highest rated zero win team I've ever seen.|
|Texas A&M||Texas A&M||Texas A&M|
|South Carolina||South Carolina||South Carolina||Like a fine wine, there's always some sediment at the bottom.|
1. Mississippi State. Like a delicate snowflake drifting through the cold air of a rare Mississippi ice storm, this year's magical season will likely dissolve onto a pile of steaming, freshly delivered cow manure.
2. Alabama. Meet the new Tide, same as the old Tide. Nick Saban is the world's most boring, yet most effective middle manager. Imagine what he could do with the federal government. Wait, what am I saying? Nick Saban for President! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
3. Auburn. Like an inveterate gambler who keeps going back to the casino ATM after three AM in Biloxi, Malzahn finally overdrew his luck account and had to settle for an uncomfortable slumber, filled with dreams of the angry, corpulent faces of Auburn fans.
4. Georgia. Who's that coming down the track? Another berth in the Chik-fil-a Bowl!
5. LSU. Might be that Death Valley has lost some of the intimidation factor without Mike on the sidelines. His replacements are not quite as scary.
LSU fans painted their Great Dane named Elmer to look like a tiger. pic.twitter.com/Rp0br2i1Xe— Laken Litman (@LakenLitman) November 8, 2014
6. Ole Miss. This is not the Ole Miss that started the season; this is an off-brand knockoff bought out of the Sky-Mall catalog and delivered conveniently to Oxford by the Postal Service. Like most inferior goods, this one is likely to fail at the most inopportune time, like the third quarter of the Egg Bowl, or while you're watching them in a bowl game against a B1G school with your terrible aunt from Ohio. Hydrox aren't the same as Oreos, mom!
7. Texas A&M. The Aggies want to be the Baylor or Oregon of the SEC, but they're more like a homeless man's version of Clemson.
8. Tennessee. AstroDobbs has transformed the offensive line play from unspeakably hideous to not completely vomit inducing. This is progress.
9. Arkansas. Leading the league in moral victories, which no, BERT, you can't eat them: moral, not oral.
10. Missouri. According to the advanced stats, the other other Tigers are similar to the Vols in every respect, but worse (special teams not included). Thanks for the compliment, Connelly!
11. Kentucky. There's an apocryphal story about when Bear Bryant realized it was time to look for another coaching opportunity: he'd led the Wildcats to a top 25 finish in the polls, and at the post-season awards banquet, the Kentucky athletic department presented him with a silver cigarette lighter to memorialize the occasion. Meanwhile, Adolph Rupp received a Cadillac. In other words, keep your eyes on that North Carolina gig, Stoops!
12. South Carolina. I've figured out South Carolina's 2014 team: they're Tennessee's 2012 team in disguise.
13. Florida. Horribly coached, poorly disciplined... and yet Will Muschamp still has an outside shot to win the SEC East and stick around for years to come. "Great work, everyone!" said the email from Mark Richt to Butch Jones and Mark Stoops.
14. Vanderbilt. It's back to sleep for another six decades for the Rip van Winkle of the SEC.