Methodology note: Everyone loves beating Georgia, which is why this week's edition of the Power Rankings was composed at the Super Secret Best Friend Girl Power Outdoor Barbecue Extravaganzapalooza, held at a very exclusive address in Belle Meade. At the time of this missive, Chris Pendley is sleeping off an excessive intake of pink champagne on a heart shaped pillow, while KidB is dealing with the aftermath of quite possibly precipitating the recent breakup of our famous hostess and her musical boyfriend. I hope that each one of you filled your house with rainbow cupcakes, expensive bourbon, and celebratory balloons, because we should never become so jaded that we fail to appreciate a win over a conference rival.
SEC Power Rankings, Week 6
- Alabama. The grim death march of Crimson Tide football marches on, inexorable and joyless, flattening everything good and decent about college football.
- Leonard Fournette featuring the State University of Baton Rouge Players. Freshman running back Derrius Guice may have managed to out-rush Fournette against the Gamecocks, but make no mistake, he isn't ready to be the assistant-to-the-assistant who holds Fournette's jockstrap-- Guice had a grand total of two carries before halftime. It's pretty fun to come in as the change-of-pace back after the defense has been softened up by a 240-pound battering ram. Remember that scene in Thor where a bunch of yokels are trying to move his hammer without any success? Yeah.
- Texas A&M. It's a recruiting ranking battle for the ages this week as the Aggies' highly touted wide receivers, led by Christian Kirk, face off against Alabama's defensive backfield and turnover machine Minkah Fitzpatrick. If Sumlin's troops can win or keep it close, it will go a long way toward dispelling the distrust Texas A&M earned with last season's epic collapse. The watchful eyes of the Waffle House board of directors are on the Aggies this weekend-- a win might mean deliciously greasy late-night food finally comes to College Station.
- Florida. Will Grier was suspended for the season for a violation of the NCAA policy on performance enhancing drugs, but he wasn't prosecuted for Excessive Jort Wearing, Aggravated Use of A Chrome License Plate Holder, or Flagrant Canoodling With A Bottle-Blonde in the First Degree? There's no justice in this world.
- Ole Miss. Hugh Freeze should be very careful this week in Memphis, not so much because you should always be careful visiting Memphis (you should, especially if you're allergic to ribs or cheap liquor), but because the Bush League Tigers are coached by Hot Candidate to Be Your Next Head Coach Justin Fuente.
- Mississippi State. I've run out of things to say about Dak Prescott, so it's a good thing that CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA.
- Tennessee. The Vols gifted Georgia with a 96-yard fumble return for a touchdown, a long punt return touchdown, and a 24-3 lead before halftime, then rallied to score 28 straight points. But don't worry, I'm sure at least one of the three Georgia sports blogs that votes in the SEC Power Poll will have something clever to say about how Mark Richt should be fired for losing to an awful Tennessee team that didn't belong on the same field as the Unanimous Preseason SEC East Champions.
- Georgia. Reggie Davis dropped a touchdown pass from Greyson Lambert that would have tied the score at 38-all, but somehow the wide receiver's stone hands are the head coach's fault. Everyone should take a look at the meltdown thread posted by Dawg Sports after this game and take a moment to reflect quietly on the nature of sports-fandom, especially as it relates to the successes and failures of our own head coach.
- Arkansas. BERT can't seem to get out of his own way, and no, that's not a fat joke.
- Missouri. Like a rich man's Vanderbilt, or Florida coached by Muschamp on Ambien.
- Kentucky. Stoops and co. have a deceptively difficult game against a more talented but poorly constructed Auburn team this weekend. The Wildcats need to start fast and play disciplined, or they're in for an absolute Whatever-Auburn's-Mascot-Is Fight.
- Auburn. Watching Auburn this year is like getting an advance copy of J.K. Rowling's next book, only to discover that that Harry Potter's new adventures are inspired by Criss Angel.
- Vanderbilt. Those moral victories against Ole Miss and Georgia aren't looking so good as the season rolls on, but at least the defense is fantastic. Woody Widenhofer would be so proud!
- South Carolina. Goodnight, sweet prince. May you fall asleep and dream only of Marquez North.
"I've got a blank space... and I'll write your name"
"And the saddest fear comes creeping in, that you never loved... anyone or anything"
"When we go crashing down we come back every time"
"All I know since yesterday is everything has changed"
"Nothing lasts forever but this is getting good now"
"And the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate"
"I swear I'm gonna change, trust me"
"Now we've got problems and I don't think we can solve them"
"He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar"
Hunter: 1. LSU, 2. Alabubba, 3. Florida (with Will Grier), 4. TAMU, 5. Ole Miss, 6. The Victorious Volunteers of Tennessee, without whom Texas would not be a state, 7. Georgia, 8. Mississippi State, 9. Kentucky, 10. Arkansas, 11 Mizzou, 12. Vanderbilt, 13. Auburn, 14. South Carolina
Chris Pendley: 1. Bama, 2. LSU, 3. TAMU, 4. Florida, 5. Ole Miss, 6. Mississippi State, 7. Tennessee, 8. Arkansas, 9. Georgia, 10. Missouri, 11. Auburn, 12. Kentucky, 13. Vanderbilt, 14. South Carolina
Kid Bourbon: 1. Bama, 2. LSU,3. TAMU, 4. Florida, 5. Ole Miss, 6. Mississippi State, 7. Arkansas, 8. Tennessee, 9. Georgia, 10. Missouri, 11. Auburn, 12. Kentucky, 13. Vanderbilt, 14. South Carolina